Be careless with your wishes: A Igoni Barrett on the writing life in Nigeria

Nigerian author A Igony Barrett recounts how a personal rebellion led him to writing – and to confronting his worse bully: his own country

By A Igoni Barrett for The Writing Life Around the World from Electric Literature, part of the Guardian Books Network

One day eleven years ago I swallowed fear, stuck my neck into the noose of fate and swore I would swim or drown. I was 25 years old and had never held a job, never strayed far from my mother’s protection, never stopped depending on her for feeding money, pocket money, any money. Yet I ignored her entreaties to endure my final year in university, and after gathering up my beloved books and 2Pac CDs, I jumped into unknown waters to make my way as a writer.

Every revolution ends the instant it begins. Mine ended up in Lagos. It began as a son’s rebellion against his mother’s devotion, and today, with three books to my name, I see what I’ve achieved in all these years of revolt is to refocus my gaze on the actual bully, that stomping boot in which I’ve lived like a foot for thirty-six years. My country, Nigeria.

All my life I had read alone; no one had exchanged books with me or recommended writers to me.

I made friends whose mothers’ kitchens I can still describe, as well as friends who shared drinks and orgasms with me

No experience in life is wasted, especially when you’re writing

In the midst of writers who acknowledge your own writing, self-denial begins to seem like self-deception

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