Bouncing around aimlessly in a passable homage to the title sequence of The Prisoner

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One of the first things Jürgen Klopp did upon arriving at Liverpool was to draw up a shopping list of central defenders who might eventually replace the monumentally confused Dejan Lovren, balsa-boned Mamadou Sakho, Kolo Touré, 57, and Martin Skrtel, who at first glance looks like the sort of bloke who should be on trial for some very serious breaches of humanitarian protocol, but in fact, if the manner in which he attacks the ball while defending deep crosses is anything to go by, is the sort of sweet-hearted young lad who would faint in fear at a Talulah Gosh gig. Looks can be deceptive. Nothing wrong with sensitive twee-pop sensibilities, of course, but when push comes to shove, he might not be cut out for Klopp’s heavy-metal brand of football, is all.

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