Honey, I Did Not Say that…Yes I did!
So what have Honey and I been up to over the last few weeks? Well, I’ll tell you. We’ve been negotiating the tricky and diverse waters of surviving the remodel. The last time we took on a project of this proportion I wasn’t writing, so all Honey had to do was say, “Okay. Sure. Whatever you want, babe. Draw it out for me. Order it and I’ll install it.” *Sigh* Such wonderful memories.
Now? *Arches a brow at you and then sighs more deeply this time.* Things are different. As in I made a huge mistake giving him a bit of the power to pull the trigger on some very important decisions. I thought I was being reasonable and kind listening to his ideas before I vetoed them, but then I noticed something strange going on. While I was in my secluded world – creating worlds – he was outside my door doing whatever the heck he wanted to do with my walls, floors, and doorways!
How the hell did this happen?
*Looks right at you* I’ll tell you how. Honey stopped watching documentaries and started watching HGTV!!!! Those DYI-egomanic-builders. Why is this a bad – no, scratch that, a TRAGIC thing? Before them, Honey only dared to build things to my specifications. He followed directions well and didn’t try to stick his novice-in-the-art-of-design-nose into my vision, but now he’s an effing visionary who “according to him” – knows better about popular colors and the latest and most hottest decorating trends around than I do.
*Takes a deep breath and pulls up a chair to tell you like it is.*
We have been married for 30 years. And in all those years I have never followed a trend. Decorating is my thing and just because I’m a fulltime author now, doesn’t mean I lose my taste or ability to redesign our home. Clearly Honey did not get the memo. Otherwise we wouldn’t be having conversations like these. Check them out.
This convo happened when Honey was measuring the relocated double door opening we made going into our bedroom. This is me.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m checking on the size.”
“Why? Didn’t you already order the doors I picked out?” This was a logical question because I picked the doors based on the size of the opening. Honey had triple measured so I was confident the doors I picked were going to be perfect. In fact, all Honey had to do was call the supplier and give them the info.
“Yeah, but I ordered the 36’s instead of the 30’s.”
*Imagine me dragging my hands down the sides of my face here* Why would he do this? Presently, I could go into detail about how the doors have glass with iron inserts sandwiched between them and the reason I wanted the 30 inch doors was so one couldn’t see the door frame through the glass when they were fully closed. I could, but I won’t bore you with important details like that.
“Any particular reason you made that call without asking me?”
“You were busy, babe. I didn’t want to bother you.”
“Oh. Thanks. Can I see the tape measure for a minute?”
He handed it over, but was quick to say, “They’ll fit. Don’t be worried about that.”
After I measured, I let the tape snap closed. “And I hate to bother you because I know how busy you’re are, babe, but…”
“What? There’s no but. They’re going to be a show stopper.”
I didn’t necessarily disagree. In fact, I originally wanted the bigger doors but Honey had already framed the opening before he gave me a chance to decide about this. Come to think of it. It’s funny how things work themselves out eventually in my favor. But I digress. “The opening needs to be bigger.”
He gets that look on his face. The one that says, “Yeah, I’ll be all over doing that for you when hell lands in a deep freeze and Beelzebub skates by to hand me a cherry-flavored snow cone.”
I didn’t blink. “Do you remember the conversation we had about the glass in the doors?”
“I ordered exactly the ones you want except a little bigger. Didn’t you want the 36’s from the get-go?”
“Yep, but tell me, why did you say no before?”
“I don’t know. They were probably more expensive.”
*Looks right at you* Now that made all kinds of sense. Honey is known in our family to be the thrifty one. Me? Not so much. But either way, surprisingly, money wasn’t the issue in this case. “I’m sure they were, but the reason you originally said no was because of the size of the door frame. You explained how we’d see the trim and a good portion of the wall through the glass insert when the doors were closed. I didn’t want that. Remember that domestic dispute?”
He doesn’t even have to think for a second. He just barks, “#@#@!”
Aw, he remembered. “So even though I hate to bother you, babe, when you’re so busy with other work, I have to. You’re going to have re-frame the doorway and make it bigger.”
The irony of all this? Later while I was busy writing like I was when he didn’t want to bother me over those details – his sawing and hammering to make that opening bigger wound up bugging the s*it out of me. *Le sigh*
Then there was this a couple of days ago…
I handed him a few color swatches and asked, “These are the colors I’ve narrowed down for the back wall. Do you have a preference?” They were basically the same shade but this kind of tactic used to work on him prior to his HGTV watching. Normally, he’d just pick one thinking he’d made the final decision and in the end we were both happy because I got what I wanted. 
