(5/6) “I didn’t really have time to reflect immediately after...

(5/6) “I didn’t really have time to reflect immediately after the ambush. I just ate dinner and tried to go to sleep because we had another patrol the next day. But I’ve had nightmares ever since. I lie in bed and replay the situation over and over. I wasn’t the leader that I should have been. I failed under pressure and somebody got hurt. I have no confidence left. I can’t take a leadership position of any kind. I tried to stay in the army after I came home from Afghanistan. But one night we were doing a training exercise. Our objective was a forward passage of lines— meaning that two platoons were supposed to pass through each other in the dark. But everything was going wrong. Our platoon leader got lost and I had to take over. Soldiers were all over the place and the mission was failing. I was messing up. It was happening to me all over again and the pressure was too much. So I just ran into a bush and took out my knife and started slashing my wrists as hard and as fast as I could.”