“Happy” and “Easy” are Not Synonyms

For some reason when I start to talk about happiness people often hear “easy.” I am a happy women and I live a happy life. But it hasn’t always been an easy life. I’ve lived through abuse, divorce, and disability and there have been moments when I have thought, “How much more?” But always, when I return to stasis, I return to happy.

Some people think things must always run smoothly for a body to be happy. Good luck with that. Reality is there are ebbs and flows in our lives, cycles that bring good times and not-so-good times. We have moments of complete clarity followed by periods of utter confusion.

Some people think happiness means an absence of fear or anxiety. You’d be brain-dead if you didn’t feel butterflies in your stomach or a sense of dread from time to time. Knowing how to control anxiety and fear, how to take control of your thoughts so they don’t spiral out of control taking you with them is the key.

If you think being happy doesn’t involve taking risks, you’d be wrong. If you think happiness means your life must be easy, again, you’d be wrong.

There’s nothing easy about changing your life. Whether it is taking on a new career, leaving a rotten relationship or deciding you’ve had enough of a frienemy, moving to a new reality can be really hard. But if your happiness depends on finding new challenges, self-respect and peace of mind, taking the tough road will get you to a better place.

I’ve had a wonderful life. But it has been a life full of challenges. I’ve been brave enough to step out of my comfort zone over and over and that has lead to some of my strongest moments of happiness. When I’ve been stressed or sad or worried, I’ve worked at making my life into what I want it to be by focusing on what’s really important. And I haven’t rushed things. I’m blessed with patience – my babies gave me that gift – and that’s allowed me to see things as they are and as they might be and wait for the next piece of my life to unfold.

I’ve had to work at being happy. But I don’t mind that. The rewards have been substantial. Being able to move from “stressed” to “blessed” means knowing when to take control of my own happiness because without direction, happiness can go missing. I’ve learned I can only be happy when I speak my truth. I’ve also learned that I have no control over what people say about, or to, me. I only have control over how I react. As I’ve said often, “I would rather be disliked for the person I actually am than for the person I’m pretending to be.”

I choose to be happy. I avoid negative nellies. I spend time thinking about what’s good in my life. And I don’t worry about what other people think of me. It isn’t always easy. But that’s okay. The effort has always been worth it.