Today’s life lesson

or Why It Is Important to Tie the Dog Poop Bag Closed

Because sometimes your clumsy ass does a graceful little snowbunny leap, and you biff the landing, and your foot goes a-sliding, and said poop bag swings upward like a pendulum, totally upending itself, and it is only by the grace of centrifugal force that dog shit does not rain down upon your head.