Shiny, or A Funny Thing Happened On My Way to the Computer

So a funny thing happened on the way to my computer.

Unbeknownst to me a goblin had taken up residence in my attic. We will call this goblin Shiny, though his name is unknowable and hardwired into the universe. Scientists in Alpine labs have begun teasing out the specifics of creatures like Shiny but we're not there yet. Philosophers all the through the ages have explored the shape of the beast without managing to truly see it. We don't have the beginning of a picture.

Shiny has an interest in...