It wasn't him, it was me!
You can't help but love the talented Charisse Tyson and learn from her honest insight. Read on!
We were already struggling in our marriage when I had the opportunity to buy Johnny's Bar & Grill; it was a lifelong dream to own my own place and without a minute's thought to my husband's addiction, I jumped at the chance. Within three months of owning the bar, my husband Tommy quit his full time, well-paying to job to pursue his dream of being self-employed with his own handy-man business. The acceleration of his drinking and the deterioration of our relationship followed like a house catching fire. I couldn't get my so called handy-man to change a light bulb at the bar without complaining about it. My employees and I drew straws to see who would tell him that something needed repair. And Tommy drank a lot. By the time he he put himself into rehab he was drinking a fifth of Jack Daniels and a fifth of vodka every day. His problem made it easy for me to lose sight of my own issues. I became a manipulative tyrant that ran my husband down to his face and to others almost constantly.
Tommy shattered my world by asking me for a divorce. I was completely devastated; after all, I had been paying all of the bills and taking care of everything for years. How could he want to leave me? Many sympathetic patrons witnessed Tommy's descent into a lazy, complaining drunk and their idea of helping me was to buy me a drink and have me tell them all of my problems. The wide and easy road beckoned. The narrow path led to God and He was there patiently waiting to help me. I am so glad I chose Him because I can't imagine what a mess my life would be if I had gone the other way. I asked God to reveal to me why my husband would want to leave me and He gave me a mental slide show that brought me to my knees. He showed me how I verbally assaulted Tommy's manhood at every turn. He showed me how critical and judgmental I had been. I had caused my husband unthinkable pain. If Tommy hadn't already been a drunk living with me would have driven him to it. Don't get me wrong – Tommy put me through a lot of misery because of his disease – but I could not excuse myself for what I had become because of it.
I begged God to forgive me and asked Him to save my marriage. I told Him that I would do whatever it took to keep Tommy from leaving me. God spoke to me and told me that if I turned my life over to Him, He would indeed save my marriage. His voice was clear and concise and I never doubted what He said. I don't do anything slowly and changing my priorities and turning my life around was no exception. With the help of Alanon and Joyce Meyer; my favorite "tell it like it is" preacher, I began looking to God for all of my answers. He gave me the peace that surpasses understanding and softened my hard heart. For four years He used my husband's disease as His tool to change me into a more Christ like-person. He developed in me the fruits of the Spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control. He didn't begin to work on my husband until He had done a work in me.
I look at my husband today and I am astounded. He has been sober for more than five years; he is on the worship team and in a leadership position at our church. He is also on the worship team at Celebrate Recovery and has devoted his life to serving God and helping others. He is my prize worth waiting for; not always patiently, but I was persistent. We are a miracle and God continues to use our lives for His glory. He uses me right in the midst of our bar. Never doubt God's plan for your life and always be open to Him helping and blessing others through you.
