On the verge of failure/success

I just published a book, "If so carried by the wind" on kindle and create space and in some ways feel like my life is done and I can settle into middle age waiting for someone to discover me like I wrote about in my introduction, but I've come back alive in the form of a self published author and this has its own anxiety. I find myself checking my amazon/create space page for sales everyday, sometimes by the hour, even though I've only sold about ten books, and this feels compulsive even though it takes practice apprehending the tools of my trade. I always imagined a publisher selling my books but I had an inkling that wasn't happening even in the '90's with all the ubiquitous book signings/readings that made me embittered towards the world thinking writers were lonely creatures preferring to hide under the covers between passages rather than acting in front of the public but life isn't fair.

I have all the worries any sensitive person has when they release their work into the world and expect both literary immortality and strong book sales, nor am I sure which I'm feeling stronger. I've gotten a lot of good feedback on "If so carried by the wind," so I should be feeling confident, but if sales ever go through the roof (a thousand copies!) there will invariably be bad reviews and people who find my book insufferable, and I'll have to be strong enough to withstand criticism, but my problem is worse. I get down when I haven't changed peoples lives or at the least enlightened them to the meaning of art and this is a huge expectation that can only let me down, and yet this hope is so wound up in my character disassociating it from me would be impossible.