Little Does She Know

“A secret’s value is not in what you know, but in what you do.”--Dan Millman, Way of the Peaceful Warrior A Book That Changes Lives
I loved Paloma’s Christmas card that always arrives around New Year’s.  She had mentioned how surprised that I didn’t know about the French actress, Catherine Deneuve.   A few months ago I had sent her a card that I made using a portrait of Catherine and had written the following, acknowledging my slight fear of moving:
10-12-89Dear Paloma,I remember you said Catherine Deneuve was a famous actress in France.  She’s semi-famous here.  I’ve seen her in a few films I think.  I saw this ad of her.  She IS beautiful.
I’m here at work right now.I went to LA last weekend.  I cleaned up and brought a few pictures.  It’s kind of exciting but at the same time a little scary because I won’t be as close to my family.  I’m used to that—but it’s not that far away.  It’s not like I’m moving to New York or the French Riviera.Do you get soap operas in France?  There’s a new one that my mom is hooked-on called THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL.  I saw one of the actors on the soap in L.A. in a jeep in Beverly Hills.   I went to see that movie, OLD GRINGO, too.  It was good.  Go see SEA OF LOVE with Al Pacino and Ellen Barkin.  I liked that one a lot.What does Fraicheur de Vivre mean?  Something about Freedom of Life?   It was on the bike card you sent me.  I was just looking at it.   Thinking of you, Love, Michael Joe Armijo
I was in-the-mood to get more familiar with Catherine Deneuve, so I walked across the street to TOWER RECORDS and rented the movie from 1983 called THE HUNGER.   Catherine stars as a doctor who specializes in sleep and aging research.  It’s an erotic horror film and there’s a love triangle between her, David Bowie and Susan Sarandon.  It’s quite unusual; however, I love vampire films (it must stem from my love of DARK SHADOWS when I was growing-up).  The following night I was restless and I decided to go to Nicky Blair’s around the corner on Sunset Boulevard for a drink.  It was a Wednesday night, January 4th, so I thought I might meet another local like I did when I met Alan.   Well, this was a straight club and I sat and ordered my usual White Russian cocktail.   While it was a straight bar/restaurant there was still some eye-contact between myself and an attractive looking man at the bar.  He struck up a conversation with me.“Hi, this place isn’t really happening is it?”“No…not really…you can’t win ‘em all.”He laughed and asked, “Are you an actor?”“Not really,” I replied, “Why do you ask?”
“Oh…you just have THAT LOOK.”“Well, no, I just moved here from Northern California for work.  I live very close by.”“Oh,” he said with a very enticing smile and a gleam in his eye.“Do you live around here?” “Well, I live in the VALLEY but I come out here a lot.”When he said the VALLEY I thought of that TV show starring Barbara Stanwyck called THE BIG VALLEY.   I wasn’t really familiar with where he was talking about.  We continued our talk and I explained how I worked for the phone company and I was probably going to quit in the near future for some other industry.   I learned his name was ALEX BLYTHE and I also introduced myself, explaining that I was of Spanish descent. “I wouldn’t mind working in the Entertainment Industry in some sort of capacity,” I announced.His eyebrows rose a bit and then he said, “Well, I think you’d look great in front of the camera.”I smiled and knew this was a cue that he was in the ‘boys like boys’ category.   I felt comfortable talking with him but it was a work day tomorrow, so I announced my departure.   He said he was going to leave also.   He walked out with me and asked, “So how far do you live from here?”I was a bit nervous but I said, “It’s walking distance.  Do you want to come and see my pad?”“Sure.”Once we were in my place I took out my Polaroid and snapped a photo of ALEX BLYTHE.   Photo:  Alex Blythe I asked, “So how old are you?”“You wouldn’t believe it if I told you.”“Oh come on…just tell me.” He hummed and finally said, “I’m forty-three.”I was quite surprised.  “Well, you look really good for your age.”
“I know…everyone tells me I look much younger.”“You do.”Suddenly the alcohol in our bloodstreams kicked-in and we started to kiss.  It was nice but I knew I didn’t want it to go any further because I refuse to do a ONE NIGHT STAND.   That is easily how this could go.  So after another kiss or so, I said, “Well, I have to work tomorrow, so maybe we can see each other another time.”“Sure, you know…you look like someone.”“Who?”
“Well, has anyone ever told you that you have a sort of TOM CRUISE thing going on?”
I laughed, “No, not really…but a few people say I look like that model in the BUGLE BOY ads.”“Maybe that’s where I thought I saw you.”And so…we exchanged phone numbers.  Alex left and I wasn’t sure about his motives, so I was glad it ended there.  I really couldn’t believe he was forty-three though.The following day I received a ‘surprising’ card from Dorothy Rua. She wrote:
January 4, 1990Dear Michael,I was beginning to wonder why I haven’t received a response to my recent cards and gift when I got a card on Thursday evening, Dec. 20th. It’s taken me a week to write because I’ve been seething with anger.  I’m still boiling mad but I feel I should communicate with you.  I say I only have a clue as to why I haven’t heard from you because I don’t believe I’ve been told everything by Peter.   The little bit I’ve been able to put together is that Peter picked up the mail over Christmas weekend, ready your card (dated 12-19 with the guy getting dressed for work), kept it from me, convinced himself we have (or would like to have more than a friendship, then suggested you address your correspondence to MRS. DOROTHY RUA!   I feel you’re owed an apology but I’m not sure what needs to be said because I don’t believe I’ve been told ALL that’s transpired.I’ve always looked forward to your cards (creations) and hearing from you.  I don’t know if I can forgive Peter if he’s taken that away from me.  There is so much to be said for a friendship with a special person who shares your sense-of-humor and gets a kick out of similar things in life (not an easy thing to lose).As I said, I don’t know what’s been said or written to you, I hope it wasn’t harsh.   And I hope it has not caused irreparable damage to our friendship.  However, if you prefer to STOP communicating with me because of the hassle you’ve been caused I will truly understand.I look forward to the day I can get thru some of this anger and see the humor in this ‘soap opera’ type situation.  It’s so absurd!  Who needs it?  No one!Thinking of you and hoping the NEW YEAR is bringing you all you’ve hoped for.   Love, DorothyP.S.  I did enjoy the above mentioned card by the time it reached me.  I especially liked the contrast of business suits, bicycles and helmet! Helmet for flying objects too…I’m happy to hear you’ve found a fun person (VIOLET) to hang out with (or whatever).   Sounds like you’re finding the excitement you went down there for!  Enjoy!  I like the seashells…but not as much as my rainbow!
Friday, January 6, 1990The following evening I was in the mood to talk to Violet Levi after Dorothy’s letter.   The surprising part about Dorothy’s letter is that I never received a letter or not from her husband Peter (of who she is separated from).  Oh well…I needn’t dwell on it; however, I will continue to write to Dorothy as I still see her as a great friend.   I decided to give her a phone call to ease her anger.
Violet Levi and I spoke on the phone and she came over to my place after we’d been talking for two hours.  One thing led to another and we were in my bed ‘naked’ before long.    She was going down on me…and while I enjoyed it something didn’t seem right.  She was a lot older than me and I wasn’t all that ‘into’ her.   So…the episode cut itself short and I learned later that she thought I was not a very sexual person because she had mentioned that in a latter discussion by phone.   Little does she know…?
The following day, January 6th, I received a letter from Chad Mark Glen.  I found some of his words rather touching.  He wrote:
January 5, 1990Dear Michael, I hope this letter finds you healthy and happy.  You are one of the best letter writers I know.  It must be all that practice you get from journaling.  Can any of that great, rich material be used for a novel?  I’m sure you must have given it some thought.I did not receive your card and package for quite some time.  I had moved all of my stuff out and had my mail forwarded.  Your items were sent to my old address and help by my wonderful former house-mates.  I am glad to hear that you love where you live and your place, but am dismayed that you feel stuck in the same old job.  You simply must do something about this.  You would be a great asset to an ad agency and with your looks and that winning personality of yours, filed sales would be a breeze—and most assuredly a breath of fresh air.  I’m not much of a phone person myself, so I can readily relate to your reticence to using the phone; although I would love to receive a call from YOU.I am absolutely sick about not seeing you while you were here over the Christmas Holiday.  I would have loved to pick you up at the airport.  I hope you had a good visit.  I am totally disappointed that you didn’t call though.  I realize that your trip was brief and the holidays are a crazy time, but next time…call.I went to the CITY to pick up some stuff and played the personalized tape that you made on the ride home.  It brought back a flood of really special memories.  My brother and I share a study at my parents’.  I was playing the tape as my brother and I were working at our desks.  He was really curious about the music and I told him all that I could.   Quite a few of the songs brought instant memories to my mind and smiles to my lips.  I listened, remembered, and enjoyed.  The cover is perfect…ever thought of designing album covers?PHOTO:  Dad and I, 1987 Thank you for the Christmas card.  I was quite pleased to see that I had made the top of Santa’s list with a favorable comment.  I still have the Xmas card you sent me in 1987 with the photo of you and your father together.  It reminds me of the time we were over your parents around Christmas and your father was trying to get me to eat pine nuts.  I didn’t really know your father but what I did know of him I liked.  It must be tough losing a parent.  I know how difficult it was when my sister died.  But I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose a parent.I look forward to hearing from you.  I’m glad that I haven’t lost you as a friend.  The distance between visits and letters doesn’t mean indifference.  I do care.Always, Chad
It’s funny because I had made a cassette tape of songs for Alan, too.  I try not to select the same songs for every person.  Every person is different and there are certain tunes that make me specifically think of Alan (and/or Paloma, Chad, Dustin, etc.).
After reading Chad’s letter I drove to Santa Monica in one of Alan’s reserved parking spaces.  He drove to Newport Beach.  This time I was staying the night at his place.  I was looking forward to the weekend.  We’d drive back late on Sunday.   Newport Beach is a beautiful area.  I felt a special connection while being there with Alan.   I took a Polaroid photo of him in front of the cottage house.  He took one of me too but I was an itty bitty part of the scene.  I need to give him some tips on getting closer to the subject.   It was fun just the same. 

On Saturday night I asked Alan, “So…have you brought anyone else here before?”I couldn’t help but wonder if I was a long string of guests that he might have brought here.   I came to learn that he had been here with one or two others but it was meaningless.  I liked that he was so excited about getting to know me better (as I was him).   I was honest and told him about meeting Alex Blythe the other night but made it clear that ‘nothing happened’.   
Alan also knew about my friend, Violet Levi, but I didn’t think I needed to explain any details at this time.  I’m sure he realizes she is no threat to ‘us’.   What a great weekend!  He loved my cassette of music and we listened to it on Sunday during the drive back to L.A.  I believe we’re on to something.  Our time flies by so quickly when we’re together and we don’t want it to end.
On Tuesday, Dorothy sent me another card:
January 9, 1990Dear Michael,What a wonderful surprise your phone call was!   It lightened my heart and lifted my spirits!   What a good friend you are, calling when you sensed I’d appreciate hearing from you.  Thanks for your understanding of a situation I find strange.Well, time to get on with the new decade!   As I mentioned on the phone, I’m back into the want ads!  I have a few leads.  I’ll let you know if anything develops.  I don’t know if anything worthwhile will develop from my friend’s PUBLIC RELATIONS and ADVERTISING Business; although, he has a background in the industry.  This is his first attempt at operating independently.  I have confidence in his work but I’m realistic enough to know what the success and failure statistics are for new businesses.  He wants me to work the sales end and I’ve agreed to give it a try on a part-time basis.  However, I need to devote the majority of my time to a ‘real’ job that includes a salary!So, what are your plans these days?  You mentioned contacting PAC TEL CELLULAR and Walt Disney’s subsidiary…still looking for new horizons?  Has your current job gotten any better—or possibilities for advancement improved any? And how is your social life coming along…sounds like you’re still keeping quite busy.  Hope everything is back to being okay between you and Violet.  We all have so little time which makes any unpleasantness in our lives such a waste!  So, whatever you’re doing down there in THE LAND OF THE PALMS make sure you’re enjoying it!  I had an interesting experience recently:  I took advantage of a coupon I was given for a free massage.  I had visions of lying covered by a tiny pink towel while a gorgeous hunk of a guy worked exotic oils into my muscles!  Well, I ended up fully clothed on an uncomfortable table/bed with ‘MICHELLE’ working me over and on an over-sized guy named ‘GEORGE’ lying on a table/bed 2-inches next to me, also getting worked over.  Needless to say, I didn’t stay long.   What female wants another female working them over while lying in business suit 2-inches from an over-sized guy named ‘GEORGE’?  Ha!Remembering how you enjoy reading horoscopes I’m enclosing a 1990 one I thought you’d enjoy.  I found most of the GEMINI descriptions to be so much like you.  Taurus, my sign, is also included.  It describes me well, but I find some of the predictions scary!  Now I remember why I rarely read my horoscope!
I bought this card because I got a kick out of it.  I mean PARTY TIME IS PARTY TIME everywhere in the world!  Can you imagine how wild this bunch gets on New Year’s Eve?  I had the TV on two days ago and would you believe they were showing the ASARO MUD MEN of New Guinea!  The same tribe in the same masks and everything!   First thing I said was, “I know those guys!”  Maybe they’ll invite us to their next party?  As long as we’re not ‘dinner’.   Love, Dorothy
I imagined being in his car asking myself, “Who knows, would I want to, would he want to, perhaps a nightcap at the bar would decide, knowing that, all through dinner that evening, he and I would be worrying about the same exact thing, hoping it might happen, praying it might not, perhaps a nightcap would decide…”--Andre Aciman, CALL ME BY YOUR NAME