Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week #9
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Bonjour Amigos!
It is already time for the 9th edition of Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week where our team of cynical analysts sort through the week's contenders to crown a champion.
Those busy bees of hypocrisy were buzzing all around the globe this week. There was hypocrisy within hypocrisy within hypocrisy from Texas to Las Vegas to the Middle East and on to the snows of New Hampshire.
Let us "Remember the Alamo" and begin with Texas first.
Ethan Couch is the infamous "affluenza teen" who was gently remanded by Texas juvenile court to serving probation after killing four people while driving drunk. One of Ethan's passengers also suffered permanent brain damage.
His lawyers claimed that Ethan did not deserve any jail time because he was too wealthy and spoiled to know the difference between right and wrong. Believe it or not, that argument flew with the legal eagles of the Texas judiciary.
After skipping one of his annoying probation hearings, Ethan and his Mommy disappeared from the long arm of the law. The Texas Rangers were called out in force and a manhunt ensued. They were recently taken into custody down Mexico way.
Unfortunately, little Ethan will probably not end up in a Mexican jail where they regularly hose down unruly prisoners with cold water to remind them who is boss. Texas is seeking his return where they probably have computers and televisions in carpeted cells with a work-out gym just a few doors down the cell block..
How can the judiciary do anything with this little punk after having set their precedent? When the brat is brought up on charges of parole violation can he not plead that the court has already established that he is simply too spoiled to know the difference between right and wrong ? That there is no reason he should be expected to abide by the silly conditions of his parole?
I had a bout of "affluenza" as a much younger child than Ethan when I almost set the house afire playing with matches. My father whacked my ass. Today, Dad would be arrested for resorting to such barbaric measures of parental prevention.
We wonder if the Alamo boys would have fired a single shot in defense of Texas if they saw this one coming.
From Texas our baffled hypocrisy team travels to New York City and The United Nations in a search that winds up back here in Las Vegas.
We do not know whether the United Nations Commission on Human Rights keeps a record of the number of people beheaded this year by ISIS, the bloggers, gays and women auto drivers publicly flogged in Saudi Arabia, the number of women stoned to death in Afghanistan or the number of women publicly caned in Indonesia for being alone in the company of a man. We do know that somewhere, someone has dutifully recorded in indelible ink all of the gory details of the following heinous hate crime that was committed right here under the bright lights of Las Vegas.
Forget the beheadings, the cold-blooded Kalashnikov murders in Paris, the floggings, the stonings and the canings, this crime is all about bacon, yes, bacon!
A home-grown American terrorist wrapped raw bacon around the door handles of the local Masjid-e-Tawheed mosque. Bacon, mind you! That is small-minded stupidity. Now begins the hypocrisy.
CAIR, The Council on American-Islamic Relations called forth the media cameras and scribblers, who faithfully obeyed another call to prayer, and demanded an immediate federal and state hate crime investigation.
The local Review Journal newspaper that was recently purchased by casino mogul Sheldon Adelson, a die-hard supporter of Benjamin Netanyahu, closed down the public comment section on this news article because most of the snarky readers did not feel that this particular crime weighed heavily enough on the scale of human events to justify so much front page outcry as well as that gory photo of the raw bacon wrapped around the door handles.
We doubt very much that CAIR will summon forth their media tools once again and congratulate Mr. Adelson for coming to their defense by imposing a little censorship on those mean and nasty, local snarks.
Where is the headline proclaiming an unholy alliance between CAIR and Sheldon Adelson to battle the citizen armies and freedom of speech? The Vegas book on that ever happening is approaching 10,000 to 1.
There are so many slow-burning, sizzling layers of crispy hypocrisy to turn over and over in the mind with that one but we must turn on the oven fan and quickly move away since there is an auspicious birthday party coming up.
The Bonjour Amigos Hypocrisy team now takes you into the bizarre world of those tedious, never-ending American Presidential primaries.
American conservatives love to brag about something mysterious that they call "American Exceptionalism." How they can make this specious claim after fifteen painful years of the exceptionally unexceptional George W. Bush and Barack Obama, the two most irrefutable arguments against democracy, is beyond the suspension of ordinary disbelief.
Yet, there is a sweaty bullpen of boob tube bobbleheads continuously babbling away on the 24/7 news porn outlets over at CNN and Fox News who periodically come to the defense of the intellectually petrified, trust-funder poop nugget and the crackhead, narcissist, race-hustling anti-Semite. Our readers know which one is which.
One would think that it was time for America to catch a little break, but no way, Jose! The home of the brave land of the free is seriously considering a mentally unstable billionaire and a compulsive liar as presidential timbre.
Presidential timbre???? Timber!!!!!!!!!!!!
Presidential contenders Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton have recently raised their voices with a little sexist smack talk prior to the primaries much to the delight of the news porn boys who need something, anything, to chirp, chirp, chirp about in order to feather the empty nests of their barren wasteland of repetitive, unimportant, boring and utterly useless news.
Artfully dodging the naughty pillow talk herself, Hillary has called upon the services of her very own sexist beast and unfaithful hubby, Billy Willy, to travel to New Hampshire in her defense where primary adversary Bernie Sanders might just pick up a little momentum with a victory. Do not fool yourself, the real debate is between the highly paid Team Hillary and the one man team of Trumper Thumper.
Thus, the Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week is awarded to none other than that wild, roaming, wandering, irrepressibly heart-throbbing Billy Willy, the Arkansas Adulterer who cheated on his bride with a chorus line, if not a small town telephone book, of various babes and then tried to intimate and destroy each and every one of them when the sordid affairs became public knowledge. Yes, the very same heroic knight in tarnished armor, WILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTON, 42nd President of the good old United States of America is Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week.
Two sexist pigs wallowing in the snow over Hillary! Does it get any better than this? Be careful Mr. Trump that you do not drop the soap. You might be the one who gets "schlonged" this time around!
As a footnote tucked away in our cabinet of curiosities, will history wonder why the news porn boys have hunted down sexual predator Bill Cosby with the unrelenting vengeance of Police Inspector Javert while they have given Billy Willy a free, "get out of jail" pass after he and his minions publicly destroyed the bucket list of babes he had his way with and then casually tossed aside like an unlicked banana peel? "Probably not," you say?
Okay then, while Billy Willy is heroically trying to put some lipstick on his bride, Bonjour Amigos wishes Monica Lewinsky would come out swinging with a little sarcastic mischief of her own and challenge Hillary Clinton to a public debate on the true meaning sexism. That would give the politically correct, media toadies some very difficult choices, would it not? We can already hear the beasties swallowing their croaking tongues.
Monica would quickly pick up a couple million bucks in speaking fees just by issuing such a challenge during primary season.
Stay tuned, we happen to know a satirist with the unmerciful heart of an anarchist who might be willing to contrive such a debate for the amusement of those discerning readers with a tad of inhuman impartiality. Stay tuned.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
BTW Happy Birthday to me! Thanks Mom and Dad! I hope it was as good for you as it has been for me.
And heartfelt thanks for those two amazing older brothers who have repeatedly saved my bacon over the years!.
Bacon? No, I was not the Las Vegas bacon creep. My father taught me the difference between right and wrong.
MATCH THAT QUOTE
Appropriately, BILL CLINTON is Bonjour Amigos celebrity guest appearing on this week's Match That Quote.
In a little twist, readers have three chances to correctly guess which quote DID NOT slobber forth from Billy Willy's lips. Good luck!
1. It depends on what the meaning of "is" is.
2. Buck or doe, down they go!
3. I never had sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky!
Until next week, Peeps,
Hasta Luego Mes Amis!
Bonjour Amigos!
It is already time for the 9th edition of Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week where our team of cynical analysts sort through the week's contenders to crown a champion.
Those busy bees of hypocrisy were buzzing all around the globe this week. There was hypocrisy within hypocrisy within hypocrisy from Texas to Las Vegas to the Middle East and on to the snows of New Hampshire.
Let us "Remember the Alamo" and begin with Texas first.
Ethan Couch is the infamous "affluenza teen" who was gently remanded by Texas juvenile court to serving probation after killing four people while driving drunk. One of Ethan's passengers also suffered permanent brain damage.
His lawyers claimed that Ethan did not deserve any jail time because he was too wealthy and spoiled to know the difference between right and wrong. Believe it or not, that argument flew with the legal eagles of the Texas judiciary.
After skipping one of his annoying probation hearings, Ethan and his Mommy disappeared from the long arm of the law. The Texas Rangers were called out in force and a manhunt ensued. They were recently taken into custody down Mexico way.
Unfortunately, little Ethan will probably not end up in a Mexican jail where they regularly hose down unruly prisoners with cold water to remind them who is boss. Texas is seeking his return where they probably have computers and televisions in carpeted cells with a work-out gym just a few doors down the cell block..
How can the judiciary do anything with this little punk after having set their precedent? When the brat is brought up on charges of parole violation can he not plead that the court has already established that he is simply too spoiled to know the difference between right and wrong ? That there is no reason he should be expected to abide by the silly conditions of his parole?
I had a bout of "affluenza" as a much younger child than Ethan when I almost set the house afire playing with matches. My father whacked my ass. Today, Dad would be arrested for resorting to such barbaric measures of parental prevention.
We wonder if the Alamo boys would have fired a single shot in defense of Texas if they saw this one coming.
From Texas our baffled hypocrisy team travels to New York City and The United Nations in a search that winds up back here in Las Vegas.
We do not know whether the United Nations Commission on Human Rights keeps a record of the number of people beheaded this year by ISIS, the bloggers, gays and women auto drivers publicly flogged in Saudi Arabia, the number of women stoned to death in Afghanistan or the number of women publicly caned in Indonesia for being alone in the company of a man. We do know that somewhere, someone has dutifully recorded in indelible ink all of the gory details of the following heinous hate crime that was committed right here under the bright lights of Las Vegas.
Forget the beheadings, the cold-blooded Kalashnikov murders in Paris, the floggings, the stonings and the canings, this crime is all about bacon, yes, bacon!
A home-grown American terrorist wrapped raw bacon around the door handles of the local Masjid-e-Tawheed mosque. Bacon, mind you! That is small-minded stupidity. Now begins the hypocrisy.
CAIR, The Council on American-Islamic Relations called forth the media cameras and scribblers, who faithfully obeyed another call to prayer, and demanded an immediate federal and state hate crime investigation.
The local Review Journal newspaper that was recently purchased by casino mogul Sheldon Adelson, a die-hard supporter of Benjamin Netanyahu, closed down the public comment section on this news article because most of the snarky readers did not feel that this particular crime weighed heavily enough on the scale of human events to justify so much front page outcry as well as that gory photo of the raw bacon wrapped around the door handles.
We doubt very much that CAIR will summon forth their media tools once again and congratulate Mr. Adelson for coming to their defense by imposing a little censorship on those mean and nasty, local snarks.
Where is the headline proclaiming an unholy alliance between CAIR and Sheldon Adelson to battle the citizen armies and freedom of speech? The Vegas book on that ever happening is approaching 10,000 to 1.
There are so many slow-burning, sizzling layers of crispy hypocrisy to turn over and over in the mind with that one but we must turn on the oven fan and quickly move away since there is an auspicious birthday party coming up.
The Bonjour Amigos Hypocrisy team now takes you into the bizarre world of those tedious, never-ending American Presidential primaries.
American conservatives love to brag about something mysterious that they call "American Exceptionalism." How they can make this specious claim after fifteen painful years of the exceptionally unexceptional George W. Bush and Barack Obama, the two most irrefutable arguments against democracy, is beyond the suspension of ordinary disbelief.
Yet, there is a sweaty bullpen of boob tube bobbleheads continuously babbling away on the 24/7 news porn outlets over at CNN and Fox News who periodically come to the defense of the intellectually petrified, trust-funder poop nugget and the crackhead, narcissist, race-hustling anti-Semite. Our readers know which one is which.
One would think that it was time for America to catch a little break, but no way, Jose! The home of the brave land of the free is seriously considering a mentally unstable billionaire and a compulsive liar as presidential timbre.
Presidential timbre???? Timber!!!!!!!!!!!!
Presidential contenders Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton have recently raised their voices with a little sexist smack talk prior to the primaries much to the delight of the news porn boys who need something, anything, to chirp, chirp, chirp about in order to feather the empty nests of their barren wasteland of repetitive, unimportant, boring and utterly useless news.
Artfully dodging the naughty pillow talk herself, Hillary has called upon the services of her very own sexist beast and unfaithful hubby, Billy Willy, to travel to New Hampshire in her defense where primary adversary Bernie Sanders might just pick up a little momentum with a victory. Do not fool yourself, the real debate is between the highly paid Team Hillary and the one man team of Trumper Thumper.
Thus, the Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week is awarded to none other than that wild, roaming, wandering, irrepressibly heart-throbbing Billy Willy, the Arkansas Adulterer who cheated on his bride with a chorus line, if not a small town telephone book, of various babes and then tried to intimate and destroy each and every one of them when the sordid affairs became public knowledge. Yes, the very same heroic knight in tarnished armor, WILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTON, 42nd President of the good old United States of America is Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week.
Two sexist pigs wallowing in the snow over Hillary! Does it get any better than this? Be careful Mr. Trump that you do not drop the soap. You might be the one who gets "schlonged" this time around!
As a footnote tucked away in our cabinet of curiosities, will history wonder why the news porn boys have hunted down sexual predator Bill Cosby with the unrelenting vengeance of Police Inspector Javert while they have given Billy Willy a free, "get out of jail" pass after he and his minions publicly destroyed the bucket list of babes he had his way with and then casually tossed aside like an unlicked banana peel? "Probably not," you say?
Okay then, while Billy Willy is heroically trying to put some lipstick on his bride, Bonjour Amigos wishes Monica Lewinsky would come out swinging with a little sarcastic mischief of her own and challenge Hillary Clinton to a public debate on the true meaning sexism. That would give the politically correct, media toadies some very difficult choices, would it not? We can already hear the beasties swallowing their croaking tongues.
Monica would quickly pick up a couple million bucks in speaking fees just by issuing such a challenge during primary season.
Stay tuned, we happen to know a satirist with the unmerciful heart of an anarchist who might be willing to contrive such a debate for the amusement of those discerning readers with a tad of inhuman impartiality. Stay tuned.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
BTW Happy Birthday to me! Thanks Mom and Dad! I hope it was as good for you as it has been for me.
And heartfelt thanks for those two amazing older brothers who have repeatedly saved my bacon over the years!.
Bacon? No, I was not the Las Vegas bacon creep. My father taught me the difference between right and wrong.
MATCH THAT QUOTE
Appropriately, BILL CLINTON is Bonjour Amigos celebrity guest appearing on this week's Match That Quote.
In a little twist, readers have three chances to correctly guess which quote DID NOT slobber forth from Billy Willy's lips. Good luck!
1. It depends on what the meaning of "is" is.
2. Buck or doe, down they go!
3. I never had sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky!
Until next week, Peeps,
Hasta Luego Mes Amis!
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