You know what this world needs?
I’ve been thinking lately about how I can make the world a better place, about how I can give back. I mean, I know I’m just some mouthy bald dude from South Dakota, but, really, I think I can help.
So today I went to my favorite thinking spot, which is the graveyard, and sat down in the dead grass. I turned my hand into a fist and placed my chin on it and began some hardcore, balls-to-the-wall pondering.
Thirty-five seconds later, I knew.
I knew how make the world better, how to improve things, not only for this generation, but for every generation to come. My epiphany was so emotional I sprang to my feet and ran in slow motion through dramatic soft lighting to my car, which was parked next to the Hooker family plot.
I came directly here, to the internet, to enlighten you, the masses.
This world needs more celebrities. Simple as that. The terrible shortage of celebrities is of such mythic proportions it’s astounding how it hasn’t been noticed before. Politicians are too busy learning their lines, so they can’t help. That leaves only one other option: television.
My suggestion is this: we use the enormous power of television to get more celebrities. We would make dozens of tv shows that do nothing but attempt to manufacture new stars. These shows would be fragmented into the various categories of celebrity, such as Typical Pop Singer, Generic Skinny Model, Yet Another Celebrity Chef, and so forth.
The tv shows would be in the form of competitions, where ordinary dipshits compete with other ordinary dipshits to prove they are extraordinary dipshits. There’d be voting and/or judging and in no time at all, hundreds of new celebrities would be created.
And the people of the world would just sit there watching, sit there taking it all in as one Next Big Thing after another is generated in front of them, sit there with eyes glazed over and head fucking empty.
So today I went to my favorite thinking spot, which is the graveyard, and sat down in the dead grass. I turned my hand into a fist and placed my chin on it and began some hardcore, balls-to-the-wall pondering.
Thirty-five seconds later, I knew.
I knew how make the world better, how to improve things, not only for this generation, but for every generation to come. My epiphany was so emotional I sprang to my feet and ran in slow motion through dramatic soft lighting to my car, which was parked next to the Hooker family plot.
I came directly here, to the internet, to enlighten you, the masses.
This world needs more celebrities. Simple as that. The terrible shortage of celebrities is of such mythic proportions it’s astounding how it hasn’t been noticed before. Politicians are too busy learning their lines, so they can’t help. That leaves only one other option: television.
My suggestion is this: we use the enormous power of television to get more celebrities. We would make dozens of tv shows that do nothing but attempt to manufacture new stars. These shows would be fragmented into the various categories of celebrity, such as Typical Pop Singer, Generic Skinny Model, Yet Another Celebrity Chef, and so forth.
The tv shows would be in the form of competitions, where ordinary dipshits compete with other ordinary dipshits to prove they are extraordinary dipshits. There’d be voting and/or judging and in no time at all, hundreds of new celebrities would be created.
And the people of the world would just sit there watching, sit there taking it all in as one Next Big Thing after another is generated in front of them, sit there with eyes glazed over and head fucking empty.
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