2016–

To be perfectly honest I find the entire idea of 2016 terrifying.  I’m not sure I can make goals for it in a “2016” kind of way.  Because, for the love of all that is holy, how is it even the 2000s at all?  Let alone passing into the late teens of this century?

And if we’re being perfectly honest, there is so much undone in my life that the younger me would be saddened to know has not happened.

But then again, when I look back at 12-year-old me, my wants were very simple and sure, some of them haven’t happened.  But this did.

Which was the biggest and most fervent of my wants.  I wanted a family.  And when I look at my daughters and my son, I find that not only do I have family, I am astounded by the magnitude of the blessing each of them are. They are so perfect for each other and for me.

And really, this happened:

And for years and years I didn’t even let myself *really* dream of writing because I didn’t think I could do it.

I am writing this post off the cuff…just random thoughts as I force myself to recognize that time is, in fact, passing and just what I want to do about that.  I’m LDS and I was raised by a group of people who teach goal setting.  I rarely accomplish my goals, but I do often try and–in trying–I improve.  I get closer to where I want to be even if I fall short of the end goal.

When I look at the goals I have for 2016 some are really beyond my control.  Do I want to live off of my writing?  Yes, obviously.  But I also don’t have any control over that other than to continue to write and trust that with time it will happen.  Do I want my children to be healthy and happy?  Yes, of course.

Do I want to spend more time playing and cherishing them and less doing those endless tasks like laundry and vacuuming?  Yes, obviously.

But I also want to be kinder.  I want to be more successful.  I want to be more organized so that I have more time to play with my kids.  I want to be many things and some of those things won’t happen and some will.  I want to spend less time worrying about money and space and more time worrying about goodness.

I am going to publish several, I hope many, books next year.  I am going to play Elsa and Anna and Batman and Robin with the kids and when I do, the dinosaurs are absolutely going to attack the ice palace and make Anna and Kristoff join forces with Batman and Robin and maybe even, Maleficent, to save the day.

So, yes, I have some things that are bothering me in my heart.  Yes, I have some really big and unexpected choices to make in the next few months.  And yes, my end goal is the same–to love my children and raise them to be good while being better myself.  Will I try to lose weight next year?  Sure, won’t most of the U.S?  What a blessing to live in a world where our trouble is the excess of food rather than the lack of it.  What a great blessing to live in a country where children are generally safe.  What a great blessing to be able to set goals in the comfort of my home on a couch I will probably replace because I am lucky enough to be able to do things like replace my furniture and get my hair dyed and buy too many toys for my children.

So…yes…I am setting goals.  And doing the best I can.  I am grateful for the blessings I have been given in a way that makes it difficult for me to not realize those blessings as I seek to improve our situation regardless.

Amanda

PS Who even reads anymore?  Doesn’t the whole world just work and fold laundry?  That’s all there is to life right?  Right?? Right!