Twas The Night Before Mythmas

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‘Twas the night before Christmas, I sat by my tree

with a bottle of wine and a puddle of pee.

The stockings knocked over and cats everywhere,

every piece of tape adorned with their hair.

My family’s asleep, all snug in their beds;

while I do the dishes and laundry and clean till I’m dead.

I was finally asleep when I rose to loud clatter,

and really didn’t care to know what was the fuck was the matter.

Ran into the kitchen I cleaned just before,

to see a great mess on my briefly cleaned floor.

Cookies for santa left crumbs all around.

CHRISTMAS IS GREAT, I said hiding my frown.

I tried to remember, what was the reason?

Wasn’t there a purpose for this holiday season?

Is it about cleaning the mess left by my cats,

or perhaps giving iPhones to spoiled rich brats?

Oh no I remember, it’s Jesus’ day!

That’s why we see reindeer pulling santa’s red sleigh.

It sounds so crazy, that has nothing to do

with an 8 pound 6 ounce newborn infant jew.

But that’s what christmas is all about, right?

The birth of our savior on a cold winter’s night.

It’s like nothing you’ve heard ever before.

It’s just about jesus, there couldn’t be more…

No, Mithra, and Krishna, Dionysis, what’s this?

All born of a virgin, December 25th.

So what am I doing and what’s this all for?

Why did I spend all goddamn day at the store?

Shopping for presents to give to my mom

and my sister and grandma, the cats and my dog.

I’m a mess and feel stressed but it’s all about love.

It’s about family and giving, not someone or something above.

So as christmas day begins to draw near,

remember, religion isn’t needed for holiday cheer.

Christians and atheists and everyone else

get excited for presents and like to watch Elf.

So don’t try to focus on angry debate.

Drink some eggnog or coffee, spread love and not hate.

Just be a nice person, wrong or right.

Merry mythmas to all, and try not to fight.

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