Christmas Different

While my writing has shifted away from grief and loss, each year I still find it important to remind people who are experiencing a holiday season without a loved one that they are remembered.

Tomorrow I will write what I am thankful for this Christmas but never far from my mind are those first Christmas holidays without my sister or my parents.

The first one without my younger sister (1993) was also the first without my maternal grandmother with whom I was close. My older sister and I– with her boss– delivered Christmas gifts to needy holiday families, wanting to find meaning in a day that had completely changed. With the death of my grandmother, it also meant the holiday gathering with my mom’s sister was done and the five of us were left with pretty much nothing that year.

The first Christmas without my dad, in 2006, my mom spent it with my now former husband and meI here in Albuquerque. I worked on a quilt of my dad’s flannel shirts and we flew my mom’s dog Ginger with her (much to Mom’s embarrassment when Ginger was barking in the cargo hold and the pilot announced on the plane, “Those in first class if you hear a dog barking, that’s Ginger.”)

And last year, the first Christmas without my mom, Greg and I drove to Los Angeles and spent it with my California family, the Blooms. We didn’t get to surf that morning because of the high surf warnings but we did spend some time at the ocean that day.

For those of you who are without someone you love this year, I have walked in similar shoes to yours and I know how much it, well, sucks. It’s not the same. However, I also know that there is still magic in Christmas.

This morning, as I was searching for a photo to take to use with this blog entry, I walked out of my office and into my living room where I looked down and there was a popsicle stick on the floor. I had no idea where it came from other than Rosie, our Roomba, had dragged it out from somewhere. But where?

I saw something written on the back of it- name name with 3F (meaning Mrs. Feightner’s 3rd grade class). My mom, my dad, and my sister, all reminding me they are with me. Christmas past meets Christmas present.

And reminding you that your loved ones are with you, too.