I Can't Shake The Feeling

He said, “I keep thinking about this river somewhere, with the water moving really fast.   And these two people in the water, trying to hold onto each other, holding on as hard as they can, but in the end it’s just too much.  The current’s too strong.  They’ve got to let go, drift apart.  That’s how I think it is with us.  It’s a shame…because we’ve loved each other all our lives.   But in the end, we can’t stay together forever.”--Kazuo Ishiguro, NEVER LET ME GO, a novel
Paloma sent me a photo of her and her son, Jonathan, in his new wheels with a nice Christmas card:
Dec. 14, 1989Dear Michael,Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  Thank you for your long letter with the pictures of your nieces.  They are all very pretty, that must be fun to have all these little dolls running around.   Why haven’t you contacted the two agents interested in you yet?   You shouldn’t wait too long.  They’ll forget you.  I think the most important thing to become a model or an actor is LUCK—but if you don’t try anything then nothing will ever happen.  Anyway, better be a ‘will be’ than a ‘has been’. 
Next week we’re going to PARIS for Christmas, and then we’re going to Castres, France to spend New Year’s Eve with Alexandre’s family.  Then we will go to Laguiole in the South of France to visit his sister and family (she has two kids about Jonathan’s age—a boy and a girl).  I’m sure you’ve never heard about those places (Castres, Laguiole).   Don’t worry…I didn’t even know about them before I met Alexandre.   That’s one of the biggest faults of Parisians (to think that there is almost ONLY Paris in France).   Well, in Laguiole they make the most famous knives in France which, of course, are called the “LAGUIOLES”.    For the bags you have LANCEL, VUITTON and HERMES (among lots of others, of course); for the jewelry: CARTIER, VAN CLEEF & ARPELS, BOUCHERON, etc.  And for the knives:  LAGUIOLE!   I’m sorry; I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.  I just can’t write—but I swear I never drink anymore!  Only 1.5% of French people never take drugs (including tea, coffee, cigarettes, etc.).   Believe it or not I belong to them (the 1.5%).  Do you like knives?  
In January we are also going to the CLUB MED in Chamonix-Mont Blanc for a week to ski.  I don’t like that but Alexandre does.   I’ll do some ice skating.  Chamonix is right next to Switzerland, so we are planning to go to get me some perfume samples (they sell them there).Now that I’m sending Christmas Cards I noticed that my friend, Brad (remember I told you about him?), lives in West Hollywood, too (on West Knoll Drive).   Do you know where it is?
I’m sending you a few pictures of our new driver but they are not too good because when I took them it was almost night time.   Too bad your nieces aren’t around.  He would love to take them for a drive.I’m going to be ‘31’ pretty soon but you’d better not say anything mean about that because don’t forget it’s also going to be your turn pretty soon!   I’m going to see Corinne and Caroline in Paris.   Did I tell you they’re both pregnant?   They’re due in February and March I think.Well, I will tell you some more when I come back, so till the next time.MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR once more.Love You,PalomaPS- Yesterday I’ve been looking at an old box of mail.   I found tons of letters from you.  I bet we’ve been writing each other for millions by now!
I was also surprised to receive a Christmas card from Julie Waller.   She was a Vietnamese refugee at my high-school in Alameda.  She was a sophomore when I was a senior.  I loved to talk with her because she spoke so meekly.  French was her primary language but I loved to flirt with her (especially when she wore her sexy white satin pants).  Julie wrote:
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!How is your new place?  I intend to come down soon but don’t know exactly when.   I will let you know.   My new number is 415-454-7298.   Call me soon.  I hope this New Year will bring a bundle of joy and laughter.  Love You, JulieI knew from Julie’s note that she lived in the Marin County area as I recognized the prefix of her telephone number.  I was excited to write back.
I found an old postcard of a BIKE that Paloma had sent me.   I think she sent it to me around Christmastime after I visited her in Paris a few years ago.   It was fun to read it again:
Hello Michael,…seeing this card made me think about you.  I had to send it to you and also there is no way to find a nice Christmas card here.   I especially thought about you today.  I went through my papers and I read some cards you wrote me a while ago like in March—that was pretty interesting---What’s happening with you?   You’re not writing much!   I’m feeling pretty good.  I’m going to stop working at the store on December 31.   I’m really happy about that. I’m going to be able to work out so much.   You’re really going to be surprised next time you see me.   Well, I won’t have enough room to tell you much about what I’m planning to do, so I’ll just do it some other time in a longer letter.   This card was especially meant to wish you a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR.   I hope to read you soon.  Love you, Paloma
Mom sent me another Christmas card but I called her and got on her case for not writing more.   She simply dated it DEC 1989 and wrote DEAR MIKE….LOVE MOM (the imprint of the card included “May Christmas and the New Year, too, Hold lots of happiness for you!”  I simply like a bit more of a handwritten personal note.   Mom laughed when I got on her case about it.  “I knew you’d say something,” mom replied.
My phone rang on this very evening and it was a woman responding to my LA WEEKLY ad about meeting-up for lunch.   We talked for hours.  I really liked her aura of independence and the fact that she had the guts to call me.   Her name is Violet Levi.    She is coming to visit me at my pad on December 21st.PHOTO:  Violet Levi I don’t know if I’d call Violet a ‘wicked city woman’.  It’s too early to say; however, she makes me laugh and I do enjoy her company.  Our first meeting was a success.  We went for a light bite on Sunset Plaza.  I plan on seeing her again tomorrow, Friday, December 22nd.   I am only working a half day, so I’m going to ride my bike to her law office and meet her for lunch.   She surprised me when she made her comment about our age difference. “I know I’m a lot older than you.”“How much older?” I asked.Violet wouldn’t say but I estimated that she was in her mid-thirties.   It didn’t matter to me.   I liked her company a lot.  She was a Jewish girl.   This made no difference to me either.  I recalled Alan making a point of mentioning this also.   People are people to me, so I evaluate them on personality versus race or religion.   I just don’t like it when they’re too ultra-religious.   I didn’t detect this from Violet or Alan.   More importantly, they weren’t plastic L.A. people.   They were “real” people that made me feel happy.
I received another call in response to my LA WEEKLY ad.  It was a girl with a foreign accent.   I didn’t return her call because I felt I had too much on my plate at the moment.  I was also going back to the Bay Area for Christmas.  
I was happy about my half day of work.  I suited up in my bike outfit and took a long ride via the Beverly Hills flats neighborhood.   Then I drove my car into Century City and walked into the law office where Violet was working.  I had my Polaroid with me and took a photo of her behind her desk.PHOTO:  Violet Levi, at work
I guess I saw the photo as proof that she really did work at a law office.  I almost felt like creating a file for all of the people I met—like the little lady in that movie THE YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY.  I want to create files for everyone.  I need to document their strengths and learn from them.
I was just happy that my little one-bedroom condo was finally getting in order.  My kitchen was small but it fit my needs.

I returned home to do some painting.  I found a couple of postcards from my elder co-worker in San Francisco (Gloria Romero).  She sends some very unusual cards.   The other surprise in my mailbox was a Christmas card from Steven Antol, the good-looking United Airlines Flight Attendant.Gloria Romero wrote:  
Hi!   …had lunch one Saturday (San Francisco) at a very nice French Restaurant.  Unusual card…at a tax break price.  How about that?  I had a Grand Marnier Souffle for dessert.  Yum!Hope all is well with you.  Love, GloriaP.S.  Received the L.A. Times Food Section, Thanks!
STEVEN ANTOL’s Christmas card included the imprinted words: SHARING AND CARING…That’s what Christmas is all about.
Dear Michael,
Hello, my Friend…just want to wish you a Very Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year.I’ll be flying to New Zealand and Japan for December, so I won’t be on the mainland to say hello.  I hope that you’re enjoying your new residence.   LAX will be a fun place to live.  I look forward to visiting with you sometime in the near future.How’s the job?  Fill me in on the details.Happy Holidays Michael.  Love, Steven
On the morning of December 23rd I got in my wheels (loaded up the Christmas gifts) and drove up to Northern California.   Christmas Eve falls on Sunday and Christmas Day is on Monday.
On Sunday, two of my greatest friends, Jim from the Gym and Cwissy, came by to see me at my mom’s house in Alameda (from San Ramon).   I took a cozy photo of them in my mom’s living room.
They made me laugh.  I was ecstatic because they are driving down to Los Angeles and we’re going to ‘beach it’ together.   I expect them to arrive on Friday, December 29th and they’ll crash with me at my pad.  Mom really likes Jim and Christine, too.   She took a photo of the three of us in front of her tree.
Christmas Eve was a fun and easy night.  It was primarily just ‘mom and I’, watching 60 MINUTES, AMERICA’S MOST WANTED and the movie “TOOTSIE”.   Mom had made a Santa Fe-style red Chile enchilada dish that was wonderful.   I absolutely loved it.
Tomorrow the kids would come along with my brothers and their wives.   Mom would make her lunch spread (or as we’d call it ‘our early dinner’).  I had fun taking my Polaroid pictures.   Another year seems to have clipped by so quickly.   The Christmas Eve feeling continued as my brothers and their families arrived.  I took a series of photos to memorize the events of the day.
I was happy to be home but I still missed something in Los Angeles.  I missed my new friend, Alan.   I called him to check up on how he was doing.   We had some good conversation.  “I’m going to see that movie DRIVING MISS DAISY with my mom tonight.”Alan sounded a bit quiet.  I think he missed me.   I tried to cheer him up by asking, “Don’t see that MUSIC BOX movie that Jessica Lange is in because I want to see it with you, ok?” I think that made him feel good because he had something to look forward to once I returned. 
When I was at his house I took a photo of him and his daughters from his photo album.   I kept it and looked at it after our phone call.  It's one of those photos I can save for a future date for a good laugh. 
On Christmas Day morning it was more of the same.  Family fun and opening of presents.  I managed to flash a number of new photos, too.  It makes it more festive to see the camera flash going as the kids are opening presents, too.  I just love that.   The girls couldn't wait to open the gifts.  I almost like the 'waiting game' better than the opening of them all.
Mom thoroughly enjoyed DRIVING MISS DAISY.   That actress, Jessica Tandy, had the best dialogue.   She acted like she disliked her chauffer but she loved him.  He was her best-friend.   I loved the movie, too.
The following day I had to drive back to L.A.  The highway ‘5’ was as boring as ever but my music helped me get through it.  I brainwashed myself to that LAMBADA song by Kaoma.   I was also hung up on a song that made me think of Alan every time I heard it by a group called BIG FUN.  It’s called I CAN’T SHAKE THE FEELING:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwprFF11SAE
I wonder if I should tell him.  How long will it last?  I can’t shake the feeling.  Maybe I can demonstrate the song in a subtle way and include the song on a tape of songs made especially for him.   All I know is that when this song played during my drive I tended to accelerate from 65 to 75mph.   I just wanted to be back at my pad.  As I continued my journey back another cool song appropriately started to play called VOYAGE VOYAGE by Desireless.   I Love it when these wild coincidences happen.
Upon my arrival to West Hollywood I was happy to find another card from Dorothy Rua.   It was a classic photo card of a ‘damsel in distress’.  Dorothy wrote:
12-19-89…seems my work is never done.  If it’s not one job to do, it’s another!   Wouldn’t mind if this was my car and not just a borrowed one!
I’m so behind in answering your cards.  I can’t seem to catch up this time of year!  I enjoyed your Christmas card, especially since Santa has me listed as “extra nice”!  I also noticed the SPECIAL number he assigned me!  You knew I’d notice, didn’t you?
Thank you SO much for the wonderful surprise I received in the mail…personal address labels!   How could you have known?  Nearly two months ago I saw similar ones and wanted to place an order but I didn’t.  The re-emerging me wanted them in my name only but after so many years of neglecting “me” as an individual I didn’t follow through.  Now you’ve done it for me!  And I’m so very glad you did!   The rainbow scene is absolutely perfect!  How do you always seem to know?You may have sent ALL your friends personal address labels and cucumber T-shirts (hope you got my Thank You card), but you’ve managed to make me feel special…and for that, I sincerely THANK YOU!
I recently received the card with the girl glancing back at the sketch of the man.  It is interesting and different.  I like it!  It offers a light, contemporary feeling.
I’m glad you like the EAGLE pin…wasn’t sure what you’d think about it.  It’s not that WILD but wild enough, huh?  Ha!
Your own new personal labels are definitely YOU.  You’re such a romantic, Michael!  One of the things I like about you!  Pink and Purple skies!  I can just see you by the warm fire, overlooking the wild sea with a glass of wine in hand.   The picture would be perfect if you could get rid of the “model” by your side!  Ha!
I hope you get the package I mailed yesterday.  I kept waiting to send it because I was expecting an item I ordered last month.   It still hasn’t arrived, so you’ll probably get it next month.  I hope my mail will reach you before Christmas!  You have been in my thoughts and I do hope you have a wonderful holiday season and New Year!
My business card with phone number is enclosed.  I’m rarely in my office but I try to be there MON, WED and FRI between 9:30AM –11:30AM.  Love, Dorothy
“There’s someone in the world for everyone.  I’ve just got to be a bit more patient, wait till he comes along.  I don’t usually go for looks that much.   I have to connect mentally.  Physical attraction only lasts as long as the first screw.  After that you want to be able to talk.”
--Alexander McQueen, British Fashion Designer b. 1969 d. 2010.