Winning the What If War: Thoughts From a Fellow Worrier

“Mom, is Ernie sleeping?”

With this line, the what if war began.

I was very young when our hamster Ernie met his maker. As a naive child, I of course thought he was just resting and he would soon spring back to life. My mother had the unfortunate but necessary task of enlightening me that Ernie was, in fact, gone forever and that we all met this demise at some point.

I was crushed. Immortality was truly a think of the fairy tales. And thus, my journey to worrying began.

The “What If” Anxiety

Don’t get the wrong idea. I didn’t become a creepy child wearing all black incessantly scribbling rings and whispering “seven days” in the corner of my room. I had a happy childhood, and I would say I was relatively normal.

With one caveat. I worried. About everything.

And I still do.

These worries stem from what I call the “what if war.” It’s a ceaseless battle of questions and pessimism all wrapped into one.

There are the big what ifs. When I was deciding whether or not to get a second degree in education, my passion, there was: what if I’m forever a substitute and never get a job? During our apartment years, there was the : what if we can never afford a house? When my first book was published, there was the : what if everyone hates it? What if I fail?

There are also the small what ifs. What if I offended that person? What if I lost that quiz? What if I have a typo on that document?

Why Worrying is Worthless

The what if war is often pointless. I’ve found over the years most of the what ifs never happen, and I just regret wasting my time on pointless, endless speculation.

This doesn’t quell the battle, though. The what ifs still swirl, sometimes to the point of haunting me.

I think a part of the war can also be attributed to my personality. I’m a perfectionist by nature. I don’t like to make mistakes. So the what ifs become an accessory to this characteristic.

I guess the best question is: how do you win the what if war? How do you make yourself let go of the worries?

Quelling What Ifs

You don’t. Not completely.

But you learn to quiet them a bit. For me, the answer rests in my loved ones. My husband is not a what if worrier. He worries about the what ifs when they become whens. And then, he’s a what now kind of guy. As long as you’re still breathing, there’s still hope for it to work out. This is his motto. Being married to someone like this definitely helps balance out my tendency to overthink things.

Advantages to the What If War

I also think you learn to use it to your advantage. The what if worries can help you be more observant and can also help you be more goal-oriented. I tend to make rational choices because of my worrying.

It’s also certainly been a huge help in my writing. I’ve had a lot of practice imagining what could happen. This certainly translates to an easier creative writing process and an ability to predict where a plot line could go.

So the what if war wages on, but I’ve been trying not to pay as much attention. The what ifs in life will always be there, and for some of us, we will always battle them.

But I think the best question we can ask is not what if; it’s what now?