Why You Should Get Rid of Takers in Your Life

My friend Ben, who is an accomplished photographer, told me a long time ago he got rid of the takers in his life. I’ve done the same, and it has improved my life and relationships for the better.

This is a harsh thing to talk about, because most of us think we are supposed to love and be accessible to everybody. But here’s the truth: if you were accessible to everybody, all the time, you’d be spent.

God did not design you to never say no.

Instead, He designed you with limitations.

And you have to manage those limitations well.

Photo Credit: Парки Татарстана, Creative Commons

It’s a sad fact to say there are people who are takers. They take your soul, bit by bit. They use you, they make you feel ashamed or guilty when you don’t allow them to use you, and so forth. If it’s at all possible, and by that I mean if you aren’t married to them or related and responsible in some way, these people need to go.

By letting them go, I don’t mean be mean to them or tell them they are jerks. But you can just kind of know they aren’t going to be lifelong friends and make decisions accordingly. You can get them information they need and so forth, but just know it isn’t going to be a give-and-take relationship.

I find I’m not a very good friend to the takers.

So they are better off without me anyway. They make me feel guilty, so I give to them out of compulsion, not out of love or friendship, and that doesn’t really help them much anyway.

Here is how you know if somebody is a taker:

You always feel kind of guilty around them, but on paper, you can’t figure out how you’ve hurt them.
They have been in a long line of short relationships.
They hurt people and do bad things, but it’s always somebody else’s fault.
They don’t make you feel good about yourself or your work.

Takers can change, for sure, but the only way they change is when the taking doesn’t work anymore.

And if you let them continue to take from you, you aren’t helping them change.