So if my son spends a hundred bucks on me for Christmas, and I send him a hundred bucks for Christmas (which I'm going to do), couldn't he have just told me what to buy for myself?

Our carbon footprint would be smaller, and you know how ragged my fingernails are from worrying about carbon footprints.

But then, he lives in a big city and I live in the urban equivalent of a barn. Perhaps I couldn’t find the stuff he wanted for me. I mean, shit, the only shaving cream I can find for my head in this town is foam, which isn’t even cream at all, hello. And just try to find real safety razors here. Everything is a “shaving system”. You always have to buy new plastic heads. They have like 8 crappy blades in them. They suck, and suck you in so you’re constantly buying replacements.

*brb, investing in Gillette (NYSE: PG)*

Merry Christmas and God bless America, everyone!