The Allure of Illusion

I wrote the below exactly 5 weeks ago, and the only person who read it was a person who struggled intensely with illusion in all it’s forms. I came across it last night and it stopped me in my tracks.

Was it a premonition? Or perhaps another reason that we were drawn to each other; that we each understood so well the seduction of a different reality. I thought I would post it to Elephant Journal but they wrote back to me saying I had not sufficiently explained why illusion was a part of my own life. They have encouraged me to dig deeper and expose more.

I gave this thought and I have decided not to.

Because when we constantly look to the past we give it power over our present.

And the past is something that can either keep us low with remorse, or high with conviction.

Our lives are equally wonderful and terrible, although individually the facts may differ, our experiences are all the same, and so I know that we have all spent time desperately wishing that an event did not happen, or hoping that our life was anything other than what it was.

And that is ok.

Just as our greatest joy weaves into who we are, so too does our pain become a gift – if we accept it.

And so… here is my own illusionary allure:

My relationship with illusion has been a constant in my life. At first it was my protector; providing a safe haven from the reality I could not live with. Although I came to trust in it, illusion will only ever be true to itself. 

It pretended safety but in truth it blinded me to my prison. 

It has weaved it’s dark magic into all parts of my life: my relationships, goals, ideals… and most insidiously – into my deepest self. 

I have tried to break the chains it has wrapped around me. But it is getting harder and harder to recognize them. They are indeed magical, adapting and hiding their existence as I grow within my life. 

They wear the mask of contentment: but my true peace lasts only on the condition that I don’t introduce anything or anyone to my life that might force me to feel too deeply. 

They pretend to be signs of success: yet am I not in essence merely filling my days with endless to-do lists so that again I am spared feeling? 

And their worst trick of all, these chains which meld themselves into healing: after every major shift in consciousness, after the storms have calmed and I believe I can finally enjoy the pleasures of new life, they reveal their existence. 

They show me how once again I have willingly bought into their untruths. 

When we lose a loved one to death, we see how all our beliefs and faith were horrible lies.

Because pain will always trump illusion.

And so another safety net is removed. 

When we believe we will not repeat past mistakes and then realise in shock that we are on the same stage, playing the same character. 

Yes… Illusion is powerful. 

But perhaps it’s true purpose is not to blind us, but to save us.

If we have the courage to walk through its gateway. 

Each time false beliefs about our selves or our world are ruthlessly stripped away; we see a more vulnerable and raw version of ourselves. That is the true reality, and when we are presented with it we can either quickly pull a new illusion over our heads, or we can take another step towards a deeper truth. 

And so the cycle continues. 

I have a deep compassion for humanity, because of this I find it extremely difficult to condemn another. I suspect sometimes that my willingness to look past bad behaviour to the pain driving it might be another illusion I have allowed to settle upon me. 

Be that as it may, we are all struggling through our own self-made illusions, and collectively trying to keep afloat of the biggest illusion of all… 

That we are afraid of love, afraid of pain, afraid to be seen, and terrified to drop the chains that expose us to the highest truth. 

We are all one, and until every heart and every soul on our planet can call each other beloved, we must continue to hold tight to illusion.