Devil’s Aggravate
Satan goes shopping. Maybe…
Devil’s Aggravate
The smell of death oozed between the shelves, aisles and aisles of death, and Satan looked on in slight approval. The human world had its appeal every now and again, he supposed. All this concentrated death. Yes. He liked this very much.
His arm reached out to caress the gentle embrace of death, overcoming so many at once, and placed his hand upon a decaying onion. The stench overpowering in its intensity. Why had he not come here sooner?“Can I help you, Sir?” Though he would never admit it to another creature – alive nor dead – the cheerful voice startled him. He turned to glare at it.
Small, round, young, and brimming with joy, Satan stared at her with venom, hoping she might leave promptly. Alright, perhaps cute too. Hopefully she would die soon.
“No.” He growled.
Unperturbed – clearly this was her first week – the supermarket assistant beamed back at him. Satan scowled and glanced at her name badge.
“Are you sure, Sir? I’m more than happy to help? Only you’ve been staring at the discount fruit and vegetable for some time now. We here at CostCheap take pleasure in providing the best value and best service money can buy.”
How well rehearsed, Satan noted.
“Jenny.” He said, eyes glancing back to her eyes. So full of hope. That had to be dealt with. “I have a shopping list-”
“Do you need help finding the items on the list?”
“….yes.” He grumbled.
“Well then!” The girl almost jumped with glee as she slid her arm through his. “Please allow me to escort you! What’s first on the list.”
“….butter.”
“Oooh! That’s in the dairy. Do you have any other dairy items in there?”
“Milk.” He let her tug him left and right, glaring at people who bumped him. The crowds in here rivalled the river Styx! He made notes in his head. That woman with the noisy child would suffur greatly. The kids too. Damn their noise!
“Mum! I want the chocolatey cereal!”
“No! Get the crumbly pops!”
“No! Mum! Mum!”
“No, me! Me!”
Satan’s fingers twitched. All it would take to smite them would be a snap of his fingers and a snap of their necks.
“Sir!”
He whipped his head around.
“What?”
“I said, would you like UHT milk or soya? Or almond?”
“Cow milk.” He grumbled. “Does that still exist?”
“Oh yes!” Her voice brimmed with amusement as she reached for full fat milk and popped it into the basket in his other arm. “That better? Did Sir forget his coffee this morning? He did, didn’t he?”
So close. He could wring her neck.
“Mmm.” He managed a grumble instead.
“What else is on your list?”
“Eggs and bread.” He squinted trying to read the writing.
“Oh very easy, if you’ll come this way.”
Again she lead him through the throng of people towards the aforementioned items. Many people smiled at him but he shot them all deadpan looks. How very dare they glance upon his visage with such disrespect. Why, back in the day he could have torn their throats out with a wave of his arms!
“There we go, Sir. Will that be all?”
“Yes.” he grumbled.
“Very good, do you need help finding the tills?”
“No.” He snapped. They did not constantly move the tills around.
As he stalked towards them, and slammed the basket on the till, he made a mental note to never take part in community service again. Human could be so damn nice. It turned his stomach.
“It nice to see, isn’t it, Margaret?”
“Oooh what’s that, Mabel?”
“This care in the community thing they’re doing.”
“Oh, so it is, deary. So it is.”
“See those psych ward patience, they’re pretty harmless, really. Aren’t they?”
“Oh, some of them, Mabel. Some of them.”
“Like that young man, there. I heard he has one of that, split personality things going on…”
“Oh no. That’s awful, isn’t it, Mabel?”
“Aye, dear. ’tis. But he looked happy enough.”
“Mind you, it’s probably the only time he gets out. Can’t be good for him in there all the time.”
“Aye… aye.”
