Breaking Up is Just Beginning to Live Again

Breaking up breaks your heart. Breaking up is like a nervous breakdown. Breaking up makes you feel as if you have done something wrong, made some terrible error, that there is something wrong with you – even when you know it’s not your fault.

We search for blame after breaking up. But, more often than not, there is no blame. Relationships hang on slender threads. They wear thin and suddenly snap. Those little quirks and peculiarities you found amusing in each other grow tiresome. What was fun isn’t fun anymore.

We spend weeks and months analysing ourselves and our ex looking for the reasons why a relationship has come to an end. It’s hard to sleep at night. Your eyes get puffy. You eat chocolate. The face in the mirror no longer belongs to you, it belongs to that person you were before breaking up. Your shoulders slump and, like a stuck record, you play the same dull snatch of mind music over and over again.

Breaking Up Civil

What this soul searching does is slow the process of recovery. We must come to terms with the fact that breaking up is normal. You don’t fall in love with the first man you meet, have children and remain together for the rest of your life. Maybe once upon a time. In fairy tales. But not now. Not any longer.

A desire for revenge after breaking up is common, but always fruitless and will make you feel worse. Don’t behave like a troll and blacken his name across social media. Trolls are the worst species of humanity, psychopaths, web terrorists.

Don’t send presents back. Give them to a charity shop. Be civil, compassionate – the vibe you give out really does come back. Make yourself be in the moment, the now, not the time that has slipped with the sand through the hour glass and is gone.

You know you are getting back to normal when the face in the mirror looks like you again, when you find all the clothes in the closet still fit and the shoes you spent too much money buying suddenly look fabulous. Clothes reveal aspects of our identity, our personality, the person we really are. Call a friend you’ve been neglecting and suggest going out for a drink. Just stepping into those shoes makes all those dead dying cells come back to life again.

Breaking Up Freedom

The way to get over one man is to get under another. A new man blows away the musty air of the past. A steady relationship strips away layers of our individuality, our freedom. Once you feel the weight of a new man – or woman – on top of you, you know you are still attractive, that breaking up was not your fault, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, and there is a long future of new lovers, starting again, breaking up again, that this is the reality of life.

There is a sense after breaking up of feeling liberated, of feeling young again. You have a desire to be audacious, outrageous, iconoclastic. You want to have sex with a stranger, try a threesome, sex in public (weather permitting). If you feel like it, then do it. We rarely regret the things we have done, only the things we didn’t do when we had the chance.

There is after breaking up a period or mourning what has passed, what could have been. Go with the grief, then seal it away in a box and live life again. Breaking up is not easy, it’s never easy, and living again, finding your old self again, is the best cure for heartache.

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“This woman can write! Ms. Thurlow understands words and knows how to weave them. I had run across the author’s blog, and was impressed enough by the content there to give Katie in Love a try. I admit to approaching the novel with skepticism and trepidation. There is so much tripe out there that passes for literature. Not so this novel. It is wonderfully well-written, and casts a mesmerizing spell. I rushed through it much quicker than it deserves because I was so happy to find a book I actually enjoyed reading. I will go back and give it a more leisurely read and take the time to savor the cadence and flow of the captivating prose.” Rowena Tisdale on Amazon 

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