Hangtown Fry1. I’m in cleaning mode today, Monday....

Hangtown Fry

1. I’m in cleaning mode today, Monday. I’m mopping floors, taking apart and scrubbing fridges. I even sanitized and rinsed out garbage cans. Lookit me go! The whole time I been thinking, Is this what it’s like to be on meth?

2. The other night I got knee-walking, end-of-days drunk, which is what the picture is from. Been a long time since I did that, but as the picture clearly attests, old friends were in from out of town. I, perhaps, had no choice. Usually, I am in bed by midnight doing crossword puzzles or reading my Bible, but that night I woke up in the backseat of someone else’s car, four in the morning, freezing my hairy little nuts off. Apologies to anyone, male or female, whose nipple I flicked or ass I grabbed.

3. I made hangtown fry this past week, and between you and me, I don’t I get along with oysters, gastro-intestinally speaking. Hangtown fry is a venerable old dish from the the California gold rush days, and is basically a uniquely seasoned oyster omelet. Oysters, I read somewhere, are supposed to be an aphrodisiac, but who wants to fuck when you’re about to hurl?

4. Got a new neighbor downstairs this past week. Young guy. He has a dog he locks up in the entryway of his pad when he’s gone and it whines and whines. Very annoying. Dude, you have a fenced in yard and the temps are in the 50s. What the fuck? I may have to have a fatherly talk with him. “Hi, I’m Mike. I live in the other part of this duplex. Knock it fucking off.” I’m a pretty easy going neighbor, really. I can and have tolerated wild parties, loud music (except rap; rap fucking sucks), fireworks, screaming matches, even, in one case, opera, but a whining dog is just too much to bear. It tears at my heartstrings and when I am relaxing at my home posting on the internet how we should save the refugees, the last thing I want is my heartstrings torn at.

5. I got a buddy who’s been trying to smoke me up on the pot for like 3 years now. I always tell him no and he just churns and churns. It really drives him batshit haha. Well, he just texted me and said he’s on his way. He ain’t taking no for an answer anymore. So, if you’ll excuse me, I have a lot of cream cheese to buy.