Hard Truth 206: Gift Giving Doesn’t Have to Suck (a quirky guide)

Why am I publishing a gift guide as one of my hard truths?

Because I hate shopping. Haaaaates it, precious. And what I hate most is thinking that I need to get someone a gift and being relegated to the stores and places I know only to get this person I care about some mass-produced piece of utter China-made shit that’s going to find its way into a Goodwill donation bag by their back door within 4 months.

Today’s hard truth is: sometimes help comes when you don’t ask for it.

I reached out to two of the smartest people I know — Jessica Watson of JWatson Creative (a savvy digital design boutique out of Baltimore) and Aliza Stein of A Freaking Great Company (she’s my Chief Get Shit Done Officer and runs a sexy brand design studio out of Alabama) — and together, we’ve put together a quirky little holiday gift guide for you.

Here’s the best part: we’ve bought from every one of these shops PERSONALLY.

We have NO afilliate relationship with them. We just love their stuff. And affiliates aren’t bad — we’re just being on the level by saying we get nothing if you buy something.

So without further adoo — here’s the ultimate, short guide to unfucking your holiday shopping from three ladies who refuse to let you give shitty gifts.

Emily McDowell Studio

One day, I got a box in the mail and this amazing tote bag was inside:

From there, Emily McDowell had my heart (and thanks, Jessica, for the bitchin’ gift). Emily McDowell creates irreverent, badass gifts for people with a personality along with what are quite possibly some of the most laugh-inducing holiday cards (and cards for all occasion). I would totally motorboat the creative bosom of Emily McDowell.

Follow her Facebook page where she’s doing some flash sales as of late and get thee to a destination where you can get someone this truth-dishing mug stat.

Shop mugs

Shop tote bags

Leccare Lollipops

I AM SORRY BUT I CANNOT HEAR YOU OVER THE DELICIOUS. Jessica first sent me a set of 4 of these suckers in one of her quarterly client mailers (hint: Jessica delights her clients quarterly with treasures she finds — it’s cost-effective and thoughtful). I’d be lying if I said I didn’t eat them all in a single day. LYING LIAR PANTS LIAR.

My personal favorite flavors are the Salted Caramel (jesus…), the Blood Orange & Ginger (sweet baby jesus) and the Pumpkin Spice (oh shitballs).

Now, when you order, be aware that they have lollipops AND lolliTOTS — the TOTS are smaller than the regular lollipops. Your’e welcome.

Shop gift boxes/samplers here

Shop seasonal flavors here

Here’s a badass gourmet lolliTOT Sweet & Spicy gift set

And here’s a neat-as-hell Sweet & Salty gift box

Wondermade

Hello, bourbon marshmallows. Well, it’s really HOLY SHIT, GOURMET MARSHMALLOWS. Shut up for a minute because I’m about to blow your Swiss Miss pathetic memory of marshmallows mind.

There’s a Boozy gift set, complete with marshmallows in bourbon, gin, beer, and Fireball.

There’s a Winter Flavors gift set, including bourbon (OF COURSE), peppermint, eggnog, and sugar cookie flavors.

There’s no corn syrup (gross) in these suckers, either.

Just shut up and take my money.

Otherwild “The Future is Female” Shirt

Click through and read the story behind this shirt. SRSLY.

The shirts are available for pre-order and a sweet card from Emily McDowell with a printed picture of the shirt inside would make fro one bomb-ass gift. Oh — and 25% of the proceeds from the shirt go to support Planned Parenthood, which makes it ever better (especially if you live in a red state). Perhaps the most perfect t-shirt of all this holiday season.

Order yours here.

Dupco Upcycled Cashmere Accessories

I met Debbie at the One of a Kind Show in Chicago this past Friday and purchased two paris of her upcycled cashmere fingerless gloves as gifts for my boyfriend’s mom and sister. They’re so buttery soft, come in color combinations ranging from sweet to funky, and are incredibly well-made! Debbie hand-sources discarded cashmere goods, washes the cashmere (natch) to make sure it’s ready for its second act, and then modifies the goods into these sweet reversible cashmere fingerless gloves, scarves and headbands.

I took these pictures at her booth this weekend (and forgive the lighting — conference hall flourescents are a bastard).

Fingerless gloves are $45 and seeing as how they’re two pairs in one, it’s a steal AND you’re supporting an independent artisan. Fuck yes.

To order, contact Debbie directly at dupcodeb@yahoo.com — she’s doing multiple holiday gift shows right now and has all of her wares with her and NOT in her Etsy shop. She’ll be happy to send you pictures of the styles/colors she currently has and arrange for a cuddly gift to be shipped right to you!

PS: for sizing, it really is one size fits most on the gloves. They’re also a perfect fit to wear as warmers over another favorite pair of gloves!

Burtons Maplewood Farm

Totally legit maple syrup + booze = TAKE MY MONEY. I met these guys at the One of a Kind Show in Chicago this week as well and sampled some of their sweet-ass wares. Just…jesus, just buy it, okay? An ideal gift for the dude who loves his brunch and appreciates fine booze — their booze-barrel-aged syrups are straight out of Indiana and available in Koval Whiskey, High West Bourbon, Breckenridge Bourbon, Pritchard’s Rum, Kentucky Bourbon, and Starlight Brandy.

Be the unicorn that delivers a fine-ass breakfast experience here.

Hey, man – I like your…

Finally — an irreverent gift you can give him in front of his Southern Baptist family.

Grab it from Four Letter Word Cards on Etsy.

I also love that Four Letter Word Cards has a Kinky/Poly section as well as LGBTQ-specific cards.

I’m kinda in love with this…

Texts and Someecards are cute, but this is beyond baller. Personalize a wallet insert that your beloved can carry with them everywhere. It’s like a text that you put a super duper lot of thought into and couldn’t accidentally delete when you’re drunk or dunked your phone in the toilet while you were out that one night in…oh, wait. We said we weren’t going to talk about that.

Order yours here from RameWorks for $25-$55 (depending on how much of a wordy motherfucker you are), is available in both copper AND aluminum (I love saying that word), and ships from Louisiana, USA.

For the Last-Minute Louie (or Louise)

My friend Tamsen sent me a Gift Rocket earlier this year and my socks were knocked off. Because basically, gift cards are lame and they say, “Hey, I couldn’t care enough to figure out something that might delight you, so I’m hitting the FUCK IT button on your gift. Happy Holidays!”

Gift Rocket has a minimal $4-something fee and you can send anyone a digital gift of straight up cash. They can then redeem it for a gift card of their choice OR have the fund transferred directly to their bank account. What I like best is that you can suggest how they use it — which means you can kind “build” an experience for someone that a typical gift card wouldn’t be able to deliver. Like this:

Hey Susan –

I know it’s been a rough year. So maybe you’ll use this Gift Rocket to buy yourself a sweet pair of sneakers so you can walk over to FedEx Office and have 25 pictures of that asshole Richard blown up into posters. Then, you can take those pictures to the Belmont Red Line El stop and throw them onto the tracks, watching Richard get run over my the same size train he ran over your heart with when he fucked his secretary in Mexico. When that’s done, we can meet for dinner at Kumas and scarf a burger surrounded by bikers who will think you are one hot number.

Don’t get out of bed…just send a Gift Rocket here.

Holy Sh!t – these gifts don’t suck. Check out this badass gift guide for the holidays.
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or

The best fucking gift guide for people who don’t want to give shitty gifts this holiday.
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