Self Doubt

So I was hanging out with a beautiful young woman the other day, chatting up a storm, serving up my famous crab cakes, talking about life. This woman seemingly has it all: a loving mate, a beautiful daughter, a very successful career. You know what else she has in spades? Self-doubt.

I used to be like this beautiful girl, riddled with self-doubt and suffering from a wicked case of imposter syndrome. I thought my self-doubt came from my lack of formal education; there I was with no credentials dealing with some of the most credentialed people in business. But this chick has credentials up the whazoo; that was clearly just my hang-up. So what was hers?

Maybe it was fear of the unknown outcome. Some of us struggle with self-doubt because we just can’t control what happens next and we’re sure whatever we’ve built will evaporate. We’re convinced that whatever good has happened has been an accident and that we will be uncovered. We even say those things out loud. And you know what? What our ears hear, our brains believe. So we end up sabotaging ourselves by constantly questioning our success. Sure, there might have been some luck involved, but luck doesn’t get you all the way; smarts were involved too. So were vision, determination, and sweat.

Maybe your self-doubt springs from the fact that you are trying to force fit yourself into something that just isn’t your size. You keep thinking about it and thinking about it, but can’t make the leap. Maybe you shouldn’t.

When I first left TV I thought I’d start a vlog. I planned it carefully but just couldn’t commitment to taking the next step. You know why? Because it was something I thought I should do, not something I really wanted to do. Once I accepted that my heart wasn’t in it and let it go, the self-doubt that had been plaguing me vanished. Make sure you ask yourself why you’re doing what seems to be creating the doubt. An honest answer may be that you just don’t want to.

Perhaps your self-doubt springs from the fact that you’re a scaredy-cat and have been unwilling to commit. It’s tough to leave the safe and secure for undiscovered territory. And taking a new path sometimes feels like walking out on to a shaky bridge. But if you’ve answered the why question in positive terms, then commit you must!

Almost all smart people suffer self-doubt from time to time. Unlike our foolhardy cousins, we weigh the consequences of whatever it is we may be doing carefully and therein lies the rub. You have to distance yourself from the emotion even as you watch your thoughts put your plan through its paces. Don’t let fear win. Put it aside and let your rationale self ask and answer the questions that are feeding the fear.

For most of my life I’ve watched as I’ve approached major changes in my life. Now I do it with one part trepidation and two parts excitement. The formula was the other way around in earlier days. But I’ve learned to trust myself, to know that I will make good decisions. And that’s how I’ve flipped the formula.

If you find your thoughts getting stuck in an endless cycle of what-ifs, then write it down to get it out of your head. For each negative you write, reframe to a positive if you can. (If you can’t, it may simply be that your self-doubt is valid.) Be honest about your strengths and abilities. Then slowly and purposefully rip up those negatives and start focusing your attention on the positives.