12 Ridiculous Questions Non-Writers Ask Writers (And 12 Ways To Respond to Them)

Writers are put in a unique position because our profession is considered both a job and a hobby. The writer's life is also very private, since most of our work involves sitting behind a computer screen. This results in "regular" people having no idea what a writer's life entails.

And, unfortunately, this ignorance leads to non-writers making really, really insane comments about writing. Below are 12 of my favorites, along with some recommended (and not recommended) come-backs.
1. Non-Writer: "So, you still writing?"
How writers want to respond: "Am I still breathing? Yeah? Then yes, of course I'm still writing." How writers should respond: "Yup."2. Non-Writer: "Yeah, I have this book idea I've always wanted to try, but I just don't have time to write it. Say, we should collaborate on the idea and split the money."
How writers want to respond: "Okay, so many things wrong with that statement. First off, what do you mean you don't have time to write? You find time. You make time. Just like any other job. And no, I don't want to collaborate. I already have 8 other book ideas lined up and our 'collaboration' would last about three weeks and then explode when you try to put a love triangle into the story." How writers should respond: "I'm pretty busy right now, but maybe some other time." 3. Non-Writer: "Oh, you're a writer? So how much money do you make doing that?" Or, slightly less subtly, "A writer? You know you can't make money doing that." How writers want to respond: "Gah. This question AGAIN? Stop rubbing it in!"How writers should respond: "Ha, yeah. I hardly make any money. I'm going to have to go live in a gutter in a few months. Wanna lend me some dough?" Then step back and watch the other person look for the closest exit.  4. Non-Writer: "So, when are you going to publish that book of yours?" How writers want to respond: Throttle the other person while screaming: "It doesn't work like that!"How writers should respond: "Oh, who knows? Hopefully in a year or so. There are a lot of complicated steps that have to take place first." 5. Non-Writer: "Oh my gosh, you finally published that book! Can I have a free copy?" How writers want to respond: "I worked my tail off to publish that book. It represents years of hard work. If you can't dig up enough money to honor that, then you'll just have to lump it. Because no, I will not be giving away my hard work and passion for free." How writers should respond: "I worked my tail off to publish that book. It represents years of hard work. If you can't dig up enough money to honor that, then you'll just have to lump it. Because no, I will not be giving away my hard work and passion for free." 6. Non-Writer: "So, like, you're going to be the next Suzanne Collins?" How writers want to respond: "Suzanne Collins? Pfft. No. I'm going to be totally unique. Ain't no think like me 'cept me." How writers should respond: "Ha. No. I'm going to be the first [insert your name here]." 7. Non-Writers: "You write fantasy? Why don't you write some real?" How writers want to respond: *mumble profanities under breath* "Fantasy is real. You'd know that if you actually took the time to read and think about it. It reflects the world around us in a way that makes it understandable to us."How writers should respond: "Fantasy is real. It reflects the world around us in a way that makes it understandable to us." Proceed to recommend them a fantasy novel that you think will help them understand this concept. 8. Non-Writers: "Whaddya mean you're busy? You don't even do anything all day." How writers want to respond: "Don't do anything all day? Don't do ANYTHING all day? Let me explain something to you..." *Launches into long explanation about writer's platforms, social media, writing schedules, editing, outlining, and character development* How writers should respond: "Actually, I get a lot of ideas from watching Netflix all day, so that doesn't count as not doing anything."   9. Non-Writers: After reading your story: "So which character is you?"How writers want to respond: "No. Just. Just no. That's not how this works. That's not how ANY of this works." How writers should respond. "All of them and none of them. That's about as accurate of an explanation as I can give you that you'll actually understand. Sorry." 10. Non-Writers: After reading your story: "So which character is me?"How writers want to respond: *points at character that dies a horrible death* "That one." How writers should respond: "Oh, none of them. I try not to write characters after people I know. My readers wouldn't be able to handle that much awesomeness." 11. Non-Writers: "Writers are really weird. You know most of them go crazy. You gotta be careful or you might turn out like that, too." How writers want to respond: "Exactly where are you getting this information? Also, weird is pretty subjective, so your idea of weird is probably my idea of awesome."How writers should respond: "Too late to be careful. Nothing can save me now." 12. Non-Writer: After listening to your story idea: "You know, that's actually pretty stupid." How writers want to respond:  How writers should respond: *realizes the non-writer is actually right* "Oh. Wow. This is awkward." And there you have it. 12 of the most ridiculous questions we writers get. If you have any to add, leave a comment below. 
Related articles: 10 Things Nobody Tells You About Being A Writer Until It's Too Late
Enjoy this post? Take a look around. If you like what you see, please don't forget to subscribe by email for a new post every Friday!