Hahahaha. Um, ok. I will also stop urinating, breathing air, and...

Hahahaha. Um, ok. I will also stop urinating, breathing air, and masturbating.

In fact, when I masturbate, I will look at Beethoven’s body of work, rather than a woman’s body. I hereby promise to look at the female body for what it is, a milk-bearing device for growing new humans in. It’s like a Petri dish.

When I see a sexy woman, it will, suddenly, no longer have an effect on me. Also, when I encounter a warm, summer day, I will feel no joy. I will just view it as astronomical and atmospheric phenomena.

“It’s because of the the tilt of the earth and the weather patterns that I feel this way,” I will lie to myself.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, GET OVER YOURSELF.