Moxie Comes By Acceptance, Attitude & Action

We must have a basic hope of directing at least SOME aspects of our life in order to satisfy our sense of esteem.
Intrinsic to our core esteem, is an intuitive faith in our ability to impact, and help design our specific life’s conditions according to our will, faith, and desires of the heart. We must believe in our own ever-evolving vision of our life. For example, you can’t choose where you are born and raised – but you can choose, with some varying degree, where you live in the end. You can’t choose the socio-political environment you find your country and community sailing through – but you can choose to navigate it with vigor, and valor.

In my work with troubled families, and neglected, abused, and otherwise traumatized children – some of the most humbling and important work I have had the opportunity to be a part of, had to do with simple encouragement. It involved honest, basic change, through hope. The hope that tomorrow really could be different – way better than yesterday, and even better than today.

This kind of hope, indeed – springs from accepting the trials of life with some kind of grace and similitude. This is followed by a permeating, immovable belief that we can control our actions, and that we can in fact choose our posture, thought process and attitude about our circumstances, whatever they may be. We must know deeply, in our bones, that we can make a difference, find a way, and break through whatever barriers we must. We must understand, that even if the problem we face takes time, patience. Stick-with-it-ness, or knowledge and skills we have yet to acquire – so be it! All of this we can do!

The final part, is deepening our understanding of how Acceptance and Attitude result in Action. These all work in tandem – to forge enduring self-esteem, or moxie – as The Fostering Mom calls it.


The All Important Triple-Play
To be hopeful, and have a solid sense of esteem, you need to deeply accept a life-changing TRI-FECTA.


ACCEPTANCE: (This is a biggie!) The first part of this empowering wisdom, is to just simply accept there are conditions beyond your control; things like the weather, the traits, attitudes and overall decisions of others. Just as hard as what Mother Nature brings on, is what human nature throws at us. But we must remember, the personality and life view that is forged by the characteristics and experience of others, is simply not in our (healthy) control. Further, we must admit, after all – we really wouldn’t want it to be, even if it were possible. By the same token, we neither should be, nor really can be responsible for the ultimate choices of others. Then there is illness, disease and age, all downright unsettling to most of us at one time or another. While we can certainly influence contributing factors, we are all forced to accept sooner or later, just how much of a lack of control we actually have over our (inherited) health, and how our bodies respond to inevitable impacts of stress, foreign organisms, the environment – and age.
ATTITUDE: The second part is an embedded, unassailable belief that you can dial your own response, attitude and reaction to any and all of life’s unchangeable circumstances which lie beyond healthy control.
ACTION: Last but not least, to have the sensibilities to figure out how and when to act in either of two ways in response to these challenges - and often a combination.          o Externally: to make or stimulate change in others or the environment.

          o Internally: to change, grow, adapt, evolve, or settle something within ourselves.

This all important tri-fold of acceptance, attitude, and action is one of the most critical paradigms we must internalize. To what extent we do, largely impacts not only our self-esteem, but our whole outlook – and outcome – in life. This is truly core, not only to success – but sometimes even to survival. Just ask anyone who has braved through a life-threatening illness. Too, this wisdom of the ages echoes from revered, ancient religious scrolls. It is talked of by inspiring Auschwitz survivors in their accounts of (barely) surviving harrowing, unimaginable horrors. Iconic sages, like Ghandi, describe these ideas as inspiring an entire nation of millions to find a way to peacefully revolt, and finally be free of imperialistic oppression. Inspirational guru’s whose brands are practically household names the world over – have built their message around some variation of this universal theme. I would even argue that every world religion and sect that exists today – is more defined than anything else, by what is their variation and detailed explanation of this existential architype.

To go into this further:

1) Part one is self-explanatory: not only are we simply not going to have our way with everything, life isn’t always fair, and things will hit us hard sometimes, unexpectedly. It’s all about the acceptance that, as I once overheard someone I adore say, “life is pain, princess.” Also, we will encounter many others at various stages of accepting, rejecting and internalizing this, sometimes very complex and difficult premise. We may get tempted to, either purposely or unconsciously, exert control in ways that are not healthy for us or others. We also must learn to identify and defend ourselves from others who would do the same. We often need, what The Fostering Mom affectionately dubs, “a do-over.”

2) Part two, is just the belief that no other person’s traits or actions, and none of our life’s circumstances can ever completely strip away the way we choose to look at something, and thus feel about, and act upon it. This you see, is the ultimate belief in ourselves. It is a true, immovable core of self-esteem. It is the confidence that when it seems aspects of our situation will not budge, as will happen from time to time (see part 1) – that we always have some sense of autonomy, or integrity completely separate from our circumstances. It is the ultimate reliance upon our inalienable dignity. We must know that, while everyone feels discouraged sometimes, nothing and no one can really take away all of our hope. It is essential to have a deep understanding that we always, ultimately have possession of the direction of our own thoughts and choices – and by default are both responsible for, and empowered by those. With the only exception being organic illness impairing our faculties. Despite any delusional attempts to override this absolute, such as with recreational mind -altering substances, this truth in fact remains non-negotiable. Just ask any victim of drunk driving, or any other drug-related crime.

3) Understanding these multi-layered ideas, and taking responsibility for them, is incredibly important. We must own this foundation of self-esteem – and truly make it ours. We must clamor to the best examples we can find of it, in the calm, and when the winds of life are howling high. If we allow it to, this most ultimate, freeing power will anchor us sturdily through all. When we accept full responsibility for our own response (and only our response) to those things which we cannot control, it is then we find the grace to not only persevere through whatever we must, but do so with grace, dignity and a persisting, robust and renewing hope.

None of this is a new idea, of course. We’ve all seen versions of these concepts hundreds, maybe thousands of times.

While it may seem trite, it is not. This cannon of inspirational wisdom refers to more than a few substantial principles of success and happiness. The obvious commentary it brings, is the reminder that any problem we face comes with the choice to either attempt change upon external conditions or work to adjust our own internal mindset. Indeed, the space in between to which the poem obviously speaks to, the difference, is what gives most of us the most trouble. However, what may not be so obvious, but is pivotal – is the built-in assumption of hope this famous, modern proverb validates. It doesn’t say “if” we act upon our circumstances – but how. Because, (again, with only the caveat being serious deficits to our faculties), we always have a choice, either internal or external.

Pretty deep, I know. But worth the excursion. Committing our mindset to one of mature acceptance, and then adapting our actions and attitude accordingly, diminishes the minor, everyday setbacks we inevitably face to barely-discernible blips on the radar. When we are filled with this kind of hope and confidence in ourselves, the process becomes natural, and the trivial stays just that, leaving our full attention and energies to focus on that which is decidedly not. Thus our moxie is not only coaxed, but amplified.