Should He Tithe If It Will Hurt His Family?

Here���s a question I recently received:

Hi Brett, I have a theological dilemma that I need your advice on. A friend, who is married and has 3 young kids and a wife that isn���t working, has guilt about not being able to tithe.

I have tried all the usual tactics about being under the New Covenant and tithing isn���t required anymore, but that you should give as much as you can. Then he brought up the widow���s offering in Mark 12:41-44, saying that it is excellent in Jesus��� eyes to give to the point that it hurts. I think that���s a valid point. But then I think it���s also a valid argument that God expects him to take care of his family ��� right? If he takes away from his family to give alms, isn���t that also wrong?

My answer:

(1) It doesn���t seem Jesus��� point is that on a normative basis we should give until it hurts. Particularly given the immediate context, it seems like the larger point is a comparison between the outward righteousness of the religious authorities not being a true demonstration of love for God and what true love for God does actually look like. So I don���t think we���re obligated to take that passage as a command to give until it hurts, even though there is occasion to do so.

(2) Secondly, your friend is not in a parallel situation to the widow, who does not seem to have family to care for, so you cannot simply draw a direct comparison between the two. Your friend has a wife and kids, so he has to balance giving with his obligations to feed, clothe, and shelter them. The Bible does offer clear guidance on taking care of one���s family.

(3) Giving isn���t just about giving money. When one isn���t in a position to give monetarily, it doesn���t mean he or she has nothing to give. We can give of our time, our service, our current resources like a car, home, etc. So maybe during this season of financial struggle, giving to the Lord���s work looks different from just putting money in the offering plate. Maybe it���s taking a skill he has and offering it to someone else in need.

(4) Lastly, sometimes there is a time and place to give when it hurts. Maybe this is one of those times. But I think this has to be done in harmony with his wife so that they are of one mind. If she doesn���t agree, I would say don���t do it. And they must take into consideration whether or not giving puts their own family in jeopardy. If so, don���t do it.