Not sorry

Funny thing about apologies. People often say “I’m sorry” when they’re clearly lying, and that makes everything worse. If the speaker is looking at the ceiling, exhaling audibly, and rolling his eyes, you probably assume the apology is not genuine. Usually, it’s easier to acknowledge the appearance of an apology and just let it go. Even if you don’t say it aloud, you’re probably thinking, “Fine. Whatever.”

Social media teems with memes, gifs, blogs, and websites devoted to sorry-not-sorry apologies. In fact, #sorrynotsorry is a hashtag. I guess that means it’s a thing.

Parents pull brawling siblings apart and force them to apologize to each other. The kids are still angry about whatever caused the fight, and no one is even close to sorry about it. So why do we teach children to lie about their feelings? Might it be better to simply declare a truce?

Note to Secretary of State: Warring countries should just shake hands and agree not to bomb each other. No need to pretend-apologize.

Several former bosses and a couple of people I’ve known my entire life have the same distinction: I’ve never heard them utter a single sincere apology. You know the type … backing down is weak, everyone else is to blame, I’m always right. Period. If one of these people ever tells you “I’m sorry,” it usually means:

I’m sorry you can’t take a joke.

I’m sorry you’re so super-sensitive.

I’m sorry you don’t understand the situation.

I’m sorry you can’t take a punch.

I’m sorry you don’t realize I was right.

I’m sorry I got caught.

Instead of pretending to be sorry when you’re not, turn your attention to the situation. If it demands a response from you, try something like:

It’s a regrettable situation.

Too bad this happened.

How can we resolve this?

Let’s move on.

The words, “I’m sorry” carry more weight when they’re heartfelt. It’s easier to accept an apology when you believe it … with one exception. A boss, teacher, or other authority figure reprimands you in front of the entire team or class and, afterward, learns he was wrong.  Later he says to you, privately:

I‘m sorry.

The only reasonable response (probably unspoken) is, “You certainly are.”

 Like TextCPR on Facebook!