Becoming Wise

How do you define wisdom? Is it an ability to tie together knowledge with experience? Is it tolerant understanding and patience? Is it a willingness to accept that life is uncertain, but things will play out as they should over time?

I’ve met a lot of smart people. I’ve seen intelligence shine in the eyes of friends and co-workers. Wisdom has been harder to find because, I think, we’re not trying hard enough. People often associate wisdom with age — give it some time and wisdom will magically arrive. I’ve met too many silly old people to buy that. And I’ve met some very young people who seem wise beyond their years. Old Souls we call them, referring to the fact that they seem to carry the wisdom of the ages from previous lives lived.

One of the things that contributes to wisdom is a willingness to look into oneself — introspection. Years ago when I was reading Howard Gardner’s books on multiple intelligences, I was introduced to the idea that there were many ways to be intelligent. Sports stars, for example, have a body intelligence the rest of us have in smaller proportions. It was from Howard (I’d love it if he’d come for dinner) that I learned of two intelligences that made me stop and really think. Interpersonal intelligence is the ability to know others and is sometimes called social intelligence. Intrapersonal intelligence is the ability to know oneself.

Another characteristic of the wise is their willingness to see things in shades as oppose to drawing lines between things. If you can hold two diametrically opposed ideas without feeling like a two-faced, vacillating, shilly-shallier, you’ve got some wisdom in ya! I sometimes look at the fools and fanatics who are dead sure of what they speak and shake my head. There has got to be room for questions for wisdom to grow.

The point of any discussion shouldn’t be to come to indisputable conclusions. The point should be to create greater understanding. The wise know this and are sometimes heard saying things like, “Huh! I never thought of that. I’ll have to think about it some more.”

If you want to find your own wisdom you’ll have to develop the ability to listen without judging. You won’t rush to categorize actions as good or bad, but will try to figure out why people act as they do. And you’ll try to figure out why you act as you do so that you get better and better at being able to predict how others — and how you — will react to changing circumstances.

You’ll also be willing to question rules. This is, perhaps, the behaviour for which I have taken the most criticism in my life. I actually had one woman say to me, “I’m surprised that you didn’t follow the rules.”

When I told my daughter she just about split a gut laughing. “You NEVER follow the rules,” she guffawed.

Well, I don’t ALWAYS follow the rules. I’m always looking for a better path. And it’s one of the reasons I’ve been as successful — and happy — as I’ve been. While others may bristle at my “breaking the rules,” if those rules don’t work for me, I’m all for looking for a different way.

People are quick to leap in with, “If all of us didn’t follow the rules there’d be chaos.” I counter with, “There are a lot of people following bad rules and there is chaos. Chaos is. Our job is to weave our way through with as little damage to ourselves and others as possible.”

I watch parents set all kinds of rules for their children as they were growing up. There were social rules of politeness. There were rules about bed times and eating habits. There were rules about bathing, cleaning rooms, clearing up after dinner. Rules about when to come home and who to bring. Rules, rules, everywhere rules. We only had three rules in our house: you can’t do anything to hurt yourself, you can’t do anything to hurt another, and you can’t wilfully destroy anything. Easy to remember.

I grew up with curfews. My children never had them. I grew up with the edict, “finish the food on your plate.” My children were only required to eat as much of the right kinds of food to stay healthy (do no harm to yourself) and I wasn’t above serving chocolate cake for breakfast. Or for dinner. My mother would have been appalled.

Living in wisdom means weighing things carefully and always keeping your eye on the big picture. It means being willing to see more than one side because nothing substantial has only one side. And it means watching yourself to see how you react, what pushes your buttons, and what makes your intuition tingle.

We aren’t all wise. But we are all becoming.