Writing and Impostor Syndrome

While I’m on the topic of writing about keynote speeches at Sirens Conference, I thought I would touch on two really important points in Rae Carson’s keynote.

The first point I want to touch on was her mention of continually experiencing impostor syndrome as a writer.

Wikipedia defines imposter syndrome as:

Impostor syndrome describes people who are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those exhibiting the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.

Luck and timing are key factors in the publishing industry that spell out success. As a result, it’s really really hard to acknowledge your own talent when luck and timing are vital variables in an industry.

But the industry isn’t one where, once you are in, you are in. The total opposite, actually. Rae mentioned that she always felt that her next book would reveal that she’s a hack. In the meantime, she obsessed over covers, sales numbers, print runs, and what that all means. It’s taking a long time for her to return to the pure state of loving writing and to simply share a story.

I know a lot of writing friends who are impacted by the feeling of being an impostor. The feeling that any good words are the result of luck that was undeserved. That writing is a game of karma, not about practice, skill, passion, and a story to tell. I feel it all the time. We live in a world–mostly in North America–where we are conditioned as children to grow up and become world heroes. We are going to amount to something huge. When that doesn’t happen, we start to feel like we are the extras in the world’s story. And we wonder if we can give to the world, especially when our passion turns to creative pursuits often dismissed by the academic and business world.

Rae said she treats her impostor syndrome the same way she would treat depression: with acknowledgement, forgiveness, and kindness to herself. While that is wonderful in theory, we all know–Rae included–that practical application of those can be harder than saying the theoretical practice. Sometimes, we don’t even see that we are struggling, especially in an industry that relies on luck, timing, and well-written words.

The most valuable lesson from this aspect of Rae’s speech was that, no, the feeling won’t ever go away completely. Being published doesn’t take away any of the fears and stresses and insecurities you have held when you were unpublished. Being published isn’t going to magically make all of those worries better. So you don’t have to wait for publication to treat yourself with kindness, encouragement, and forgiveness.

Part two coming up next week

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