The Washington Generals of Rome

Perhaps due to our early exposure to the Mel Brooks versus Gregory Hines fight scene in History of the World: Part I, we always figured that trident-and-net gladiators—known in Latin as retiarii—were decidedly badass. For years, in fact, we've always claimed that, should we ever suddenly be cast back to the year 100 A.D. and enrolled in gladiator school, we'd choose the trident over the sword or club.

Yet it appears that Hollywood's depiction of retiarii has caused us to be misinformed. Because a