“When he picked me up for our first date, he showed up in high...

“When he picked me up for our first date, he showed up in high top tennis shoes with the toes ripped open, no laces, and no socks. He had ripped up army pants with no belt, a mugger ski cap, and three days worth of beard. I thought: ‘I can fix him.’ It’s been 34 years of subversive activity to make him presentable. Every time I do a load of laundry, something ‘accidentally disappears.’”