Dealing with Frenemies

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

So, what thousand am I thinking of?

I received a Fan Question and I find it very imperative to answer, only because when I read it, I immediately put myself in his shoes and thought to myself, “Rose, what would YOU do?”

Here is the question.

Hi Miss Desert Rose,

I have a question for you. My best friend and I are both writers and we submitted manuscripts to a publishing company. I got accepted; he didn’t. I did ask him if this would impact our friendship in anyway. He assured me that it wouldn’t.

I’d kept an open line of communication with him and expressed some of the things I faced with the work during the publication process because he said he was still my friend.

After my work got published under the label, he expressed an interest in reviewing the work. Soon months went by but I didn’t hear anything from him. Each time I asked, he would cite that he was busy or that he was working on it.

Finally, I get the review back and certain language in his thoughts felt like low blows.

I know that critical reviews can be just as helpful (if not more helpful) than rave reviews, but I can’t help but feel betrayed. What should I do, if anything?

Dominic

Dominic, you are not alone. MANY of us have gone through similar situations.

In order to best answer your question, I think that I really have to put myself in your shoes. So, for the sake of replying, I’ll address this question as if it were me.

~ My Thinking Face ~

You know, I like to think of myself as a good person. A decent person. I like to be happy for others’ successes, and always take time out to pat people on the back when I think they’ve earned it.

The same, however, can’t be said about some people. SOME PEOPLE, are vindictive, cumbersome, egocentric, assholes.

Yes, I know that was a bit harsh. Sorry. But, it’s the truth.

Sometimes, people become so self-invested that when things don’t work out their way, they make it a point to attack those whom have acquired the success they have not. The worst part of it all is that they do so behind the farce of “a friend”.

They are called “Frenemies”.

Per the Urban Dictionary it is:

Frenemy
An enemy disguised as a friend.
“What do you think about frenemies?”

“I say, keep your friends close, and your frenemies closer”

In THIS market, you’ll find that a lot. More than most people care to acknowledge.
What the frenemy does is follow your every move as though they are invested in your achievements, just so that once you’ve gained it, they can be the first to pummel your self-esteem.  Most of the time they do this by slandering the trivial. They will take inconsequential details and create an issue out of it just to make you and those who work with and for you feel like shit.

I might talk about her a lot … as a matter of fact, I’m certain I do. But let’s look at Stephenie Meyer, the author of the Twilight Saga. I can guarantee that at least 50% of the bad reviews she got on her books had everything to do with people that were envious of her success. They took trivial things, like a missing comma, or italics, and made a thing out of it, just to make her look like a bad writer. Yet, THAT DIDN’T STOP HER BOOKS from becoming prosperous and eventually being turning into movies, did it?

The function of the frenemy is to tear you down. Why? Because in tearing YOU down, they build themselves back up. They have to feel superior to you at all times in order for them to feel good about themselves.
But, in the end, what does this accomplish.

NOTHING!
Well, nothing, that is, except for them making themselves out to look like asinine mules and little green envy monsters. In the end, it is those people (the frenemies) who wind up alone, surrounded by foes and decidedly unsuccessful.

I realize that I still haven’t answered the question, bear with me. I’m getting to it. LOL
Let me get my “Ophra, SMH Gif” …
How would I act?
Honestly, it’s hard to say. I might be fuming at first. Like, habanero hot. I’d probably be ready to reach out and punch someone. Of course, I wouldn’t act on it. I’m not the retaliative or vindictive type.

You see, I don’t mind a critical review from an angle that one realizes comes from an honest place. I mean, if you really hate the book, then that’s fine. Hate it, by all means.
Yet, if you’re talking junk about the book because you’re just being an ass, that’s a whole other level of stupid.
What’s that term they use nowadays…?



Trolls/Trolling, methinks.

That is to say, being a prick on the internet because you can. Typically unleashing one or more cynical or sarcastic remarks on an innocent by-stander, because it’s the internet and, hey, you can.


So, what would I do?
Short answer; nothing.
Long answer …
Although, I would probably be fuming from the initial cretinous comments—only because I know where they are really coming from—I would do nothing. I will not put my character and reputation on the line just to give the frenemy the pleasure of basking in the grief he/she brings. Basically, I’d let him/her dig their own graves.
Meanwhile, I would keep my head held high, because you know what? At the end of the day, I ACCOMPLISHED what he/she couldn’t.
Period.
FRENEMIES BE DAMNED!
Dominic, keep doing what you’re doing. Keep pushing forward and hold your head high, because the point is—and in the most laymen terms possible—your friend is being a hatter.

Tah-tah,
Rosie :D