What will you do with it?

I see many posts on Facebook and elsewhere about the pain people feel– and when I say pain I don't mean physical pain from an illness but the kind of mental anguish caused by other people. Sometimes it's because of a relationship ending or the frustration in a relationship. And other times it's the pain of watching a child who isn't treated fairly by other children.

But what I don't see often is what people do with that pain to cope with it, make them stronger.

I believe there is always a time for mourning when something frustrating happens. You must take a day or two to mull it over, to think about what you could have done differently (whether there was anything or not, we still need to do this), or simply to feel sad.

However, then it's time to move on. If someone hurt you, how are you going to make that experience help you become stronger? And if it's your child, how will will you help him or her find strength in the situation?

When I was in sixth grade, my friends from my neighborhood, the girls I went to elementary school with, decided they didn't want to be my friend anymore. Although the word "unfriend" didn't exist, it's exactly what happened. 

While it wasn't easy to shrug it off, somehow within me I knew it meant I needed to find new friends. I asked a girl who I lived near me if she wanted to get together in the summer and she became a friend until she moved away several years later. I started running that summer and joined the cross country team in the fall and found myself with a new group of girls. 

I didn't like that something had been taken away from me but it was an early lesson of loss and how to bounce back from what you can't change. They made it clear they didn't want to be friends with me anymore (although by high school we were friends on some level again but never as it had been in the past) and I had to move on. I made some great friends after that and spent a lot of time focused on what I wanted in the life I knew was ahead of me.

From that experience, I drew a lot of strength I didn't know I had and it was strength I would need as my life has been filled with loss since. I see many of the lessons I learned in those early years, especially junior high and high school, that I learned many of the skills I would need to be where I am today.

Nothing has to hold anyone back. You only stay back if you choose to be there. After all, there is always light from darkness.