Running Along Your Path – Decisions, Advice and Life
Hey, I’m back my fellow Damsels. Lately, as I mentioned before, I’ve been really lost and upset and yadda yadda about my life. Along with those feelings, comes a whirlwind of thoughts. But the worst part is decision making. I’m not good at this. Like really not good.
But I’m also a person who feels I have to make decisions. I have to have a set plan and direction. I need to be in control…which is awful. If you’re my age or older, I’m sure you can agree with the fact that twenty year olds have no idea what they’re doing. I’m right, aren’t I? We’re totally lost, or we think we’re not lost until that’s proven to be entirely wrong. And yet, we have to start making big life decisions.
How awful it is to make huge life decisions? It’s crushing. But I won’t go into the soul-crushing, fear-inducing, darkness-creating ideas around life decisions. Just know that I’m trying to sort out mine.
Alongside this, I’ve been seeking this grand thing called Advice. Everyone can give it, even when they’re definitely not qualified to do so. But they have an opinion, and I’ve sought this opinion from everyone who would give me the time of day.
It’s crazy, I know, but I’ve felt so lost that I keep asking and asking for advice. I’ve asked family, friends, colleagues, strangers and the internet. All have said so much that it’s only made my head ache. When getting advice, you have to remember that they’re just speaking from their life experiences. But also, you have to remember that when getting advice, the mind is very tricky – it’ll only hear what you want to hear. Meaning, you’re selective by nature. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy (yeah that year of a Psychology degree helped a bit). I’m trying to analyse myself in that sense. What did I want to hear when speaking to those people? What did I learn when speaking to them, that I actually knew all along?
I wanted to hear how to make it. How to know what you should do in life. How to get onto the right path. How to just be happy. How to make a living but not work a horrid job.
But in reality, no one could answer those questions for me. Well, not really. But one thing they did say, that I’m trying my best to listen to, is that I don’t have to know yet. I’m still young and so instead of stressing about those things, the grand plan, I should just live. I should just smile and be in the moment, appreciating the easiness of my life right now.
But that’s hard for me. As I said, I need a plan. To not be actively pursuing something makes me feel uneasy. So, what have I done? What am I doing? … I’m taking a frickin’ break!
Ever since I was sixteen and I decided I was going to actively publish a real book, I’ve been stressed. I’ve been tired, scared, depressed, angry, stressed, busy, busy and busy. I was doing my GCSEs whilst writing a book and suffering from insomnia and depression. I did well in my GCSEs and published that book, then went onto university right away after having no break over summer. I then dropped out of university and worked a crappy job after being depressed about not being at uni and having no job beforehand. Then, once again, I sent myself to university, which was again the wrong decision in the end, but I forced myself to finish the year so that I could accomplish something whilst again, writing a book and starting my first real relationship – which was very scary for me. I’ve been too hard on myself.
But why am I telling you all this personal stuff? Because I want you to know that people make mistakes. We take millions of wrong turns and they can drive us crazy or drive us into the right direction. But the worst mistake anyone can make is not realising when to breathe. We need to breathe in order to survive and I think I’m realising that my worst flaw is the fact that I don’t breathe. I don’t relax. I can’t switch off; I’m constantly considering this, and that, and what’s happening tomorrow and what can be achieved if I do this thing. Urgh, it’s exhausting just writing about it, never mind the fact that it’s my life!
So I’m twenty, and still lost, but I have achieved some great things. Just because I don’t know what to do next, doesn’t mean that I won’t continue to achieve great things either. But for now, I think, and hope, I can benefit from giving myself a break. A real break. Where I just live and love for a second. If opportunities present themselves, then by all means, I’ll entertain them. But I need to learn to relax.
Great people work hard. They work really hard. They dream and plan and get things done. But they don’t run for the sake of running, right? Would you agree? Running a path you don’t like or know, is pointless and damaging. You can lose yourself that way. Running a path that’s getting you where you want to go is what’s important. So, Damsels, we first need to live slowly before we start running. Give ourselves a chance to find the race we want to be a contender in…
Well through all this turmoil, what advice actually stuck with me? Here’s the best ones that I think (and that’s just my advice) that other’s should listen to as well:
Taking care of yourself comes before everything else.
Give yourself a break. You’re your own worst critic.
Be appreciative of what you have; stop taking it for granted and always seeking more.
You’re allowed to make mistakes, in fact, they’re encouraged.
It’s OK not to be OK. It feels horrible, but it’s an important part of life.
If you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re not alone. Don’t take yourself so seriously, you’re not as unique as you think. Others have figured things out, so you will too.
Change is horrid, it really is, but try to embrace it. More often than not, it’s actually good for us.
Do things. The worst thing for a person who’s down on their luck is to stay cooped up at home.
Your friends, family and loved ones are treasures. No matter what happens, they’re the ones who will get you through it. Love and let yourself be loved.
Don’t listen or follow anyone else! Do your own thing! Seek happiness above anything else and don’t ever be sorry for it.
~ Damsel
