Literary Agent Submission Guidelines
I’m interested to review credentials for the possibility of representing me and my work to big five publishers, as well as film and TV.
I’ll consider representation by anyone, but it is very important that interested agents follow these submission guidelines to the letter.
Due to the volume of submissions I receive, I simply cannot reply to every submission. Thank you for your understanding in this matter.
How You’ll Know You’ve Failed
If you haven’t heard back from me within six weeks, you can assume that I reviewed your application, found it lacking in some way, and then forgot about it. I might also have forgotten about you as a human being, but it’s more likely that I considered your application a nuisance without ever considering that a human’s hopes, dreams, or hard work went into it.
In the unlikely event that I let you know that I have rejected your application, I will make sure that the rejection provides you no information on how to improve your subsequent applications to other authors.
It is generally considered bad form to reply to a rejection letter, even if it contains factual inaccuracies about the submission I supposedly reviewed or tasteful nudes depicting a plus-sized author.
What I’m looking For
I am looking for a big five publishing contract that will give me and my books the legitimacy I need to put my sales and marketing skills to work. I want to be in every book store, library, and festival that I can feasibly attend, and I want to shake every hand and kiss every baby therein, even ugly hands holding filthy babies.
I do not care about money. I am an artist. It is your job to make sure there will be enough money so that I can continue to not care about it.
What to Include
A proposed sales plan for my work, detailing strategies for each of the big five plus film and TV if you have any contacts there. Knowledge of exactly when the Big Five will become the Big Four a plus.
A glossy 8×10 head shot. I need to know that you look as good as my work reads, and you know how shit-hot my work is or you wouldn’t be submitting.
A list of books you have placed in the past, their sales figures, and the current state of their author’s finances.
Your favorite movies, books, plays, and music groups. I need to know that you are cool.
I will not respond to submissions that do not include all of the above, that do not put spaces around em dashes in accordance with AP style, or that omit the Oxford comma.
I prefer that your email does not include specialty typefaces. Particularly abhorrent are Papyrus and Arial. If you can’t think of a third typeface that I do not want to see, you are not right for this position.
Using the abominations “irregardless,” “could of,” or “intensive purposes,” are right out.
How to Submit
The most successful candidate will offer to buy me dinner and drinks somewhere that has a significant list of right-bank Bordeaux wines and fine Scotch whiskies. I’ll also consider CDPs, Malbecs, Australian Shiraz, and Bourbons.
You may send your offer by email to jim@jimhodgson.com.
