Me and Mr. Hyde
The fabulous Sarah Kidd's engaging and thought-provoking article on what lies within … you can see she's a writer to follow!
I spent a lot of yesterday confessing negative attitudes towards ministry co-workers. They had been festering in me for a while – threatening my relationships. Finally confessing them as sin – I slept that night rejoicing in God's forgiving grace and a restoration of peace.
Then I woke up this morning as Edward Hyde.
In one of the most understatedly terrifying portions of literature I've ever read, the final chapter of The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde is the last will and testament of Dr Jekyll. In it, he details his creation of an incredible drug. With the first dose he takes, his good, self-controlled nature hibernates, while his evil nature takes over. He physically changes into someone unrecognizable. Jekyll gives his evil alter-ego the name Edward Hyde. In Hyde's form, Jekyll allows himself all the cavorting and disreputable entertainments unmentionable for a proper English gentleman. After enjoying these freedoms, Jekyll takes another dose, returning to his profitable life of self-controlled respectability.
But with the indulgence, Hyde grows less controllable. By the time Jekyll realizes his error, he's too late. Hyde will not be controlled again. Jekyll begins to change into Hyde against his will – without the drug. Ultimately, Jekyll commits suicide – killing them both – because he can no longer control Hyde's growing evil.
Like Dr Jekyll, I indulged my sinful nature – wallowing in negative gossip and secret anger. I thought I could slander in one moment, but go back to my respectable self whenever I wanted. I was wrong.
The morning after I tried – the morning after I confessed my sin and rejoiced in forgiveness – I awoke to the same complaining, spiteful Hyde.
The Apostle Paul warned of this in Romans 6:16: "do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin… or of obedience…?"
In modern parlance – sin becomes an addiction. With indulgence, it becomes a compulsion. We slip into its patterns, its persona without even trying.
I let my angry, complaining, gossiping nature out for too long. Now "I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing" (Rom 7:19). My Edward Hyde has grown strong on his freedom and bringing him back under my Spirit-empowered self-control is going to be a long process.
I wish there were an easier, happier solution. One lending itself to a quick pep-talk. There isn't. My Hyde loses his power the same way he got it: through slow, constant habit. By turning to the cross in confession. By ruthlessly resisting temptation. By constantly crying "Who will deliver me from this body of death?" and finding that the answer is always "Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Rom 7:24-25)
Jekyll killed himself because he couldn't control Hyde. I rejoice that my Savior died to give me the power to be freed from Hyde's evil tyranny.
Are you indulging your Hyde's unholy desires? How? What will you do to bring him back under the Spirit's control?
- Sarah Kidd lives in South Asia, learning Hindi and building friendships. When she's not sipping chai with the neighbors, she enjoys writing (in English!) about her experiences.
