No More Wraps
Some time in the 1990's, American chefs discovered wrapping stuff in a tortilla.
Yes, there had been burritos for years, but this--this was something different! This was cold, and it was a wrap!
When wraps started, I think there was this idea that they were somehow healthier than a regular sandwich. I guess because you could throw a bunch of lettuce into one and it wouldn't leak out the sides. Of course, then people typically drown said lettuce in dressing to make it taste like something, thereby negating any of the alleged healthy effects. Also, tortillas have just as much carbs and calories as regular bread.
So wraps are not healthier than a regular sandwich. But the idea that they are somehow a healthy choice persists. I think this is because they are terrible. Because here's the thing: cold tortillas are gross. That's why they heat 'em up, either in a lovely little steamer or by filling them with piping hot rice and beans, at burrito places. But when you get a wrap, you can count on your tortilla being room temperature at best, and sometimes ice cold. I suppose the thinking is that anything this unpleasant must be good for you, because why else would anybody eat it?
Sometimes you can get a wrap served in a spinach tortilla. Again, I suppose this is supposed to connote health. But while cold tortillas are gross, cold spinach tortillas are next-level vile. They used to sell these in supermarkets, but you really can't find them anymore because everybody knows they are awful.
Everybody, it seems, except for institutional chefs, who at some point got ahold of the idea that a groovy vegetarian option would be a bunch of roasted vegetables, heavy on the summer squash, inside a spinach tortilla. Preferably served ice cold.
Nobody wants to eat this. Put this horror show on a real menu and see how many people order it. Also: summer squash? Summer squash is zucchini's even more boring cousin. Becoming a vegetarian does not suddenly make you like bland, limp vegetables. In fact, it actually tends to make you a little more critical of vegetables because you're eating more of them, and you've had them prepared right. Except for summer squash, which cannot be prepared right because it is terrible. I dunno--I had some that was baked with some herbs and feta cheese or some shit once and it was edible because herbs and feta cheese. But mostly it sucks.
The freezing cold spinach tortilla stuffed with roasted summer squash is a cowardly middle finger to vegetarians. I'd much rather get a little card that says, "I am a professional chef, and if I can't put a pint of chicken stock in it, I don't actually think it's food. I'm not making you anything because I hate you." At least then we'd all be on the same page, and I wouldn't be staring at this thing going, "do they think this is a real food that anyone wants to eat?"
The invisible hand of the market has pretty well killed the wrap in most retail outlets. (true! Here in Boston we had a restaurant called "The Wrap," that changed its name to the incomprehensible "Boloco" because they realized years ago that wraps are an abomination and nobody who wants to stay in business should associate themselves with them.)
But the institutional chefs still cling to the wrap. They like it for some reason. Perhaps because tortillas take up less space than bread, and they're so bad when they're cold that nobody really notices if they've gone stale. And maybe they never get the feedback, so here it is: literally everybody hates wraps. Meat eaters, vegetarians, it doesn't matter. We would all prefer a real sandwich on real bread.
No more wraps. Ever.
