Have aNother Nutter Butter Friday Feedback Super Guest Star!

This is me. You remember me?
Guess what, peepos?

I've got another super exciting guest star on tap today, putting his bravery on the line for Friday Feedback. Fellow Elevensie, and all around amazing writer, RANDY RUSSELL.
This is not me, it is Randy.
I know, the blue cap fooled you.
(If you click on his name, it will take you to his very cool, new fangled website which I love!)



Here's a true story: In prepping for today's Friday Feedback, Randy sent me four different excerpts to choose from, and one after another, I read them hyperventilating. I finally made him choose because I couldn't (and one was so awesome, I was afraid to reveal it on my blog).

Trust me on this: Randy is an author to follow.

Anyway, enough gushing. More business.

Randy's YA debut, Dead Rules, comes out from Harper Teen, June 21, 2011.
According to some smart person at Harper Collins, Dead Rules can be described as follows,

"…Romeo and Juliet meets Heathers in this darkly comedic paranormal romance."

Yep. You wanna read that, right?

All I know is the protagonist dies in a freak bowling accident, so, seriously, people, sell me no more.


This is a photo of a button.
If you want this button, ask Randy!
(I do. I want this button!)


But, where was I? Oh yeah.

Today, for Friday FEEDBACK Randy is giving you a sneak peek at his sequel to Dead Rules, which is still a larval work in progress. The working title is Deadication or, hmmm, Dead Girl Blues, I can't decide which I like better, you?

Okay, here we go, after a brief recap of the RULES:


(If you want more details, read this blog post here: http://ghpolisner.blogspot.com/2010/12/friday-feedback.html) otherwise, just follow along).

1. If it is the first few paragraphs of a novel – today it IS, yay!! – tell me if it "hooks" you enough to make you want to keep reading, or not. If yes, why? If no, why not?

2. What works for you, draws you into the piece, and why?

3. What doesn't work for you (if something doesn't) and why?

If you would like the same feedback on your own piece, please post your brief excerpt at the end of your comment (and tell me what it is -- e.g. opening to a novel, short story, poem, etc...). Please post no more than 3 -5 paragraphs, 5 if they're short, 3 if they are long. If there's more, I will only read the first 3 -5. If the comment gets too long, feel free to reply in two separate comments. If you are a student from a particular class, please identify yourself as such (and take a bow).

Okay, here's Randy's work:


[image error] Chapter One


Her face red from exertion, Carla Cassel worked her bicycle along a ridge road above the French Broad River at the edge of Buncombe City, North Carolina. There was no city here, just a string of older houses under the mountain pines. The houses were spaced far apart on level with the paved road. Carla was looking for her sister.

Where are you?

Her right pedal began to squeak on each down push as Carla rode past a small clapboard church with a white steeple. The church had been in her dream. She was on the right road. A little later, a small black dog barked from behind a front-yard fence. That had been in her dream, too.

With each circling push of the pedals, Carla's bicycle seemed to be saying her thoughts.

Where are you? Where are you?

The ridge road straightened to pass through a small plateau on the hillside. The houses appeared in uniform blocks now, three streets deep on Carla's left.

A single row of buildings, including the cinderblock laundromat that had been in her dream, was on her right with a steep rise of mountain directly behind. The mountain was a blanket of green hung in the sky behind the buildings. Wild laurel and rhododendron thickets filled the spaces between the pine trees.

Where are you?

Then Carla saw what she was looking for. An abandoned public school building of red brick was just like the building in her dream, centered in an expansive weedy lot, surrounded by a tall chain link fence. Carla leaned her bicycle against the fence. The gate in front was chained and padlocked. A metal sign said No Trespassing. The school had been closed for years.

Her sister was hiding inside, hiding from the man who had abducted and killed her the night before. Carla walked the perimeter of the property until she found a hole in the fence big enough to slip through.
 
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(seriously, my heart is pounding just rereading this excerpt! There's my feedback for you right there!)
 
- gae