The Fiver | Meeps, beeps and other distressed SFX influenced by Beaker from the Muppets

Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm BST, or if your usual copy has stopped arriving

A QUOTE-HEAVY STORY, BUT PEOPLE WILL INSIST ON DELIVERING SHAKESPEARIAN MONOLOGUES, SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?

After Chelsea’s abject loss to Southampton a few weeks ago, José Mourinho famously responded to a single question from an inquisitor by delivering a soliloquy so lengthy and verbose it made the Duke of Gloucester from Henry VI, Part 3 sound like Lillian Gish. Seven minutes it lasted. O miserable thought! By the time of his side’s dismal capitulation to Liverpool, he’d trimmed his act down considerably, judicious editing leaving something a lot shorter yet arguably even stronger. He answered 13 questions in 54 seconds using only 57 words, and most of those were “no”. He didn’t say much. But then he didn’t have to. You knew exactly what he was driving at.

DO READ

Continue reading...