100% True Stories of When Boys Cocks Made Them Stupid Around me
I needed to start a blog post to chronicle all the various funny stories that I collect while I'm walking around in the world. As a 6' tall Fetish Model and Pro-Domme I pretty much wear whatever I want no matter where I am. That means I'm often traipsing around in short shorts, itty bitty slingshot bikinis, or all manner of sexy outfits. So I wanted to share some of these funny stories with you, because I know you all love knowing the kind of power I wield over poor mortal men who encounter me by accident.
The "I forgot my arm was there" incident: Hubby and I were on our honeymoon in Hawaii and I was wearing a colorful triangle string bikini top and itty bitty denim short shorts. We made a beer run to the local store. We bought our items and were leaving to get back into our car. I was babbling on about some girl thing, probably my nails, and this guy is getting out of his car. He catches an eyeful of me and gets out of his car. Then he slams the car door. ON HIS FUCKING ARM! Lol. I guess he forgot that he should remove the arm before slamming the car door.
Guys Drop Stuff: The number of times I've seen some poor dick-focused loser literally drop all of his shit because I walked by is HILARIOUS. My absolute favorite is when dudes are with their wives or girlfriends and I get to watch the guy totally forget what he was saying and drop his bags of groceries, while his wife tries to figure out what happened. Then she follows his eye line of vision and I see her fight to choose between an eye-roll and straight up yelling at her man. Hahahah. Being a homewreaker is entertaining. If I wasn't hotter he would be able to keep his eyes in his head.
Guys showing me all of their tattoos for no reason: The number of times a guy has walked up to me for no reason, sometimes even when I'm on the phone or doing something kind of boring like trying to get out of the DMV and will literally remove his clothing to start showing me his tattoos. This man will not tell me his name, or why he has approached me, or even bother with any kind of small talk, he'll literally remove his shirt and start trying to show me that shitty Taz tattoo he got in 1999.
Men who go dumb (literally): Goddamn the number of times I've tried to get some loser to help me at a Best Buy, or some guy to take my order at a restaurant, and he literally can no longer make words. Sometimes he nods and absolutely helps me, but I'll never learn if this man even had a voice.
Straight up sexual Harassment: Ok, this is less funny, because it's actually fucking awful behavior. This kind of shit is why women want to torture men's balls. I'm just throwing this in there because it should be included in the way men get stupid around beautiful women.
- I have had to stop going to TWO different weed dispensaries (yes, they're legal in California, and that shit is MEDICINE. Imagine trying to get your antibiotics and you are constantly getting harassed). One guy looked up my phone number from the patient database and started texting me dick pics. The other started texting me, I reported him to his manager before the dick pics started. But these people have access to my legal ID, my home address, and phone number. FUCKING CREEPY.
- I have had guys follow me down the street nearly all the way to my house, to the point where I had to duck into my local corner store where I knew the checker, who was also an MMA fighter who would kick anyone's ass who was bothering me.
- I was at a restaurant with my husband, the chef literally wouldn't stop whispering in my ear, and as soon as hubby went to the bathroom he was touching me and telling me how perfect I was. No, being French is not an excuse.
- I've had to stop going to tattoo artists because they got too hansy
- I've had to stop going a lot of places because dudes get too hansy. That includes clubs, public transit, music shows, and basically anywhere where someone has the ability to press their erection into my ass without me being able to literally kick them in the balls.
Anyway, that's my stories today about times where guys have allowed their dicks to make them dumb. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's sad, sometimes it's annoying, sometimes it's straight up bad behavior. Remember that beautiful women respond to MANNERS first! As I always remind you, women DO NOT CARE about your penis. Now bow your head and repeat after me: "my penis is not important."
Your homework is to meditate on the lack of importance of your cock while you worship my beauty the way I like...with your wallet.
xo
Harley
The "I forgot my arm was there" incident: Hubby and I were on our honeymoon in Hawaii and I was wearing a colorful triangle string bikini top and itty bitty denim short shorts. We made a beer run to the local store. We bought our items and were leaving to get back into our car. I was babbling on about some girl thing, probably my nails, and this guy is getting out of his car. He catches an eyeful of me and gets out of his car. Then he slams the car door. ON HIS FUCKING ARM! Lol. I guess he forgot that he should remove the arm before slamming the car door.
Guys Drop Stuff: The number of times I've seen some poor dick-focused loser literally drop all of his shit because I walked by is HILARIOUS. My absolute favorite is when dudes are with their wives or girlfriends and I get to watch the guy totally forget what he was saying and drop his bags of groceries, while his wife tries to figure out what happened. Then she follows his eye line of vision and I see her fight to choose between an eye-roll and straight up yelling at her man. Hahahah. Being a homewreaker is entertaining. If I wasn't hotter he would be able to keep his eyes in his head.
Guys showing me all of their tattoos for no reason: The number of times a guy has walked up to me for no reason, sometimes even when I'm on the phone or doing something kind of boring like trying to get out of the DMV and will literally remove his clothing to start showing me his tattoos. This man will not tell me his name, or why he has approached me, or even bother with any kind of small talk, he'll literally remove his shirt and start trying to show me that shitty Taz tattoo he got in 1999.
Men who go dumb (literally): Goddamn the number of times I've tried to get some loser to help me at a Best Buy, or some guy to take my order at a restaurant, and he literally can no longer make words. Sometimes he nods and absolutely helps me, but I'll never learn if this man even had a voice.
Straight up sexual Harassment: Ok, this is less funny, because it's actually fucking awful behavior. This kind of shit is why women want to torture men's balls. I'm just throwing this in there because it should be included in the way men get stupid around beautiful women.
- I have had to stop going to TWO different weed dispensaries (yes, they're legal in California, and that shit is MEDICINE. Imagine trying to get your antibiotics and you are constantly getting harassed). One guy looked up my phone number from the patient database and started texting me dick pics. The other started texting me, I reported him to his manager before the dick pics started. But these people have access to my legal ID, my home address, and phone number. FUCKING CREEPY.
- I have had guys follow me down the street nearly all the way to my house, to the point where I had to duck into my local corner store where I knew the checker, who was also an MMA fighter who would kick anyone's ass who was bothering me.
- I was at a restaurant with my husband, the chef literally wouldn't stop whispering in my ear, and as soon as hubby went to the bathroom he was touching me and telling me how perfect I was. No, being French is not an excuse.
- I've had to stop going to tattoo artists because they got too hansy
- I've had to stop going a lot of places because dudes get too hansy. That includes clubs, public transit, music shows, and basically anywhere where someone has the ability to press their erection into my ass without me being able to literally kick them in the balls.
Anyway, that's my stories today about times where guys have allowed their dicks to make them dumb. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's sad, sometimes it's annoying, sometimes it's straight up bad behavior. Remember that beautiful women respond to MANNERS first! As I always remind you, women DO NOT CARE about your penis. Now bow your head and repeat after me: "my penis is not important."
Your homework is to meditate on the lack of importance of your cock while you worship my beauty the way I like...with your wallet.
xo
Harley
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