Swansea v Arsenal, Real Madrid v Las Palmas and more: clockwatch – live!

Manchester City stay top, Arsenal score their 2,000th goal under Arsene Wenger, Jamie Vardy finds the net yet again, and Jurgen Klopp wins his first Premier League match.

5.04pm GMT

And that’s that on the day Jamie Vardy scored in his eighth consecutive Premier League match, Arsenal scored their 2,000th goal under Arsene Wenger, Jurgen Klopp registered his first league victory in English football, and Jose Mourinho answered 13 questions in 54 seconds with 57 words. Breathless stuff.

5.02pm GMT

And in Scotland ...

Celtic 3-1 Aberdeen
Dundee United 1-0 Ross County
Hamilton Academical 2-4 St Johnstone
Inverness Caledonian Thistle 1-1 Dundee
Kilmarnock 0-1 Motherwell
Partick Thistle 0-4 Heart of Midlothian

5.00pm GMT

The Championship results for you:

Birmingham City 0-2 Wolverhampton Wanderers
Bristol City 1-4 Fulham
Burnley 2-1 Huddersfield Town
Derby County 3-0 Rotherham United
Ipswich Town 0-0 Cardiff City
Middlesbrough 3-0 Charlton Athletic
Rude Usurpers 0-2 Hull City
Reading 1-1 Brighton & Hove Albion
Sheffield Wednesday 1-0 Nottingham Forest

4.58pm GMT

Meanwhile you might have thought I’d forgotten about Real Madrid and Las Palmas. Well, I did, yes, but no matter! The last we heard, it was 3-1 to the home side at half-time, and that’s exactly how it finished. Clockwatch: always in control, even when we’re not.

4.55pm GMT

Kolarov misses a last-minute penalty for Manchester City! But it matters not, because it’s the last kick of the game. Here are the final Premier League scores, then. City stay top, but only just. Arsenal remain on their heels with a fine victory at Swansea. Leicester go third after a thriller at the Hawthorns, Jamie Vardy scoring for the eighth Premier League game in a row. A third successive 0-0 for Manchester United, who were second best at Palace, but stay in fourth. And Watford see off West Ham, who won at Arsenal, Liverpool and Man City, but can’t do it at Vicarage Road!

Crystal Palace 0-0 Manchester United
Manchester City 2-1 Norwich City
Newcastle United 0-0 Stoke City
Swansea City 0-3 Arsenal
Watford 2-0 West Ham United
West Bromwich Albion 2-3 Leicester City

4.49pm GMT

A late winner for stuggling Motherwell at Kilmarnock. Louis Moult has scored on 87. A Billy Mckay penalty on 81 minutes has given bottom club Dundee United the lead.

4.47pm GMT

Hearts are going second in Scotland in style. A fourth goal for them at Partick Thistle, Osman Sow with an 86th-minute penalty. Meanwhile Yannick Bolasie has just flashed a header over the Manchester United bar from close range. Palace have been the better side at Selhurst, but it looks like United are going to deny them.

4.45pm GMT

Yaya Toure slams the ball past John Ruddy, who is no Russell Martin. City will stay at the top of the table tonight after all.

4.44pm GMT

A fine save by Martin to deny a fine Raheem Sterling shot. Problem is, he’s not the keeper. Bye bye!

4.44pm GMT

A pointless slide on Odion Ighalo, and Collins is walking.

4.42pm GMT

The former Southampton striker scores his first goal for the Baggies from the spot. Are West Brom going to come back themselves? Is the biter about to be bitten?

4.40pm GMT

Joe Hart, on his own line, drops a common-or-garden high ball, allowing Cameron Jerome to tap in. It’s an awful howler, and Arsenal are going top as things stand.

4.36pm GMT

So as things stand, Leicester City are going third. This sort of carry-on hasn’t been witnessed since the days of Matt Gillies. You have to love football.

4.34pm GMT

Eleven for the season. Seven in his last six. A goal in eight consecutive Premier League games. That Jamie Vardy, huh?

4.32pm GMT

Joel Campbell, in his 15th game for Arsenal, scores his first goal for the club, on the end of a lovely team move. This is over, and Arsenal are the form horse in this division.

4.30pm GMT

Yohan Cabaye has just missed a sitter for Palace against Manchester United. Albert Adomah has made it two for Boro against Charlton. And Michael O’Halloran has made it four for St Johnstone at Hamilton. Meanwhile upwardly mobile Sheffield Wednesday have taken the lead against Nottingham Forest, Fernando Forestieri their hero there. A quiet first half, but the goals are flying in now.

4.28pm GMT

That should be that at the Liberty, though it’s a controversial one, Giroud having clattered into former Arsenal keeper Lukasz Fabianski during the build up.

4.26pm GMT

Against the run of play, Nicolás Otamendi has powered in a header to give the league leaders the advantage at the Etihad.

4.25pm GMT

Juanma has grabbed his second of the day, and Hearts’ third, at Partick Thistle. They’ll be going second tonight. It’s now 3-0 to St Johnstone at Hamilton. Graham Cummins with the second after 49 minutes, David Wotherspoon making the result certain on 63. Greg Tansey has equalised for Inverness CT against Dundee, from the spot after 64 minutes. Meanwhile south of the border, in the Championship, David Nugent has scored the opener for Middlesbrough against Charlton, on the hour.

4.21pm GMT

Comeback experts Leicester certainly are at it again! Though there are shades of offside as Riyad Mahrez scores his second of the afternoon.

4.18pm GMT

Ah, hold on, a chance for West Ham. No, ball-playing defender Andy ‘Franz’ Carroll has shinned it wide from 12 yards. It doesn’t look like being the big man’s day.

4.17pm GMT

Watford are raining shots in on the West Ham goal. It’s still only 2-0, but the Hammers don’t have an answer at the moment. The Hornets gave Arsenal a good run for their money a couple of weeks ago, before being overrun late in that particular match. The 0-3 scoreline that day wasn’t representative of their performance, more of Arsenal’s quality in depth. Seems like they’re getting more of the breaks today.

4.14pm GMT

A seventh goal of the season for Riyad Mahrez and Leicester, who are never happier when they’re coming at teams from a losing position, appear to be at it again.

4.13pm GMT

Championship leaders Brighton have taken the lead at Reading. Jamie Murphy with the opener just off junction 11 of the M4.

4.11pm GMT

Rory Loy has given Dundee the lead at Inverness Caley Thistle on 50 minutes. It’s been a miserable 60 seconds for the Highlanders, who saw David Raven sent off for cynically bringing down the last man just beforehand. The Caley Jags have certainly taken their foot off the gas since winning that Scottish Cup in May. They can be thankful for the early season struggles of Dundee United. Meanwhile Osman Sow has scored a second for Hearts at Partick Thistle. They’ll be going second tonight, providing they don’t let that lead slip.

4.08pm GMT

Olivier Giroud converts from a Mesut Ozil corner, and that’s 2,000 goals scored by Arsenal under the living legend Arsene Wenger! His knee presumably standing up, then.

4.06pm GMT

Odion Ighalo has just met a left-wing cross first time, wheeching a fine shot home from the edge of the box. West Ham have won at Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester City, but look like going down to the newly promoted Hornets. Football, huh?

4.04pm GMT

The second halves will be getting underway across the country. But of course the biggest football match of the day is in another code. Just in case you’ve forgotten, our man Dan Lucas is covering the Rugby World Cup Final between

Scotland
Australia and New Zealand. It starts about now.

Related: New Zealand v Australia: Rugby World Cup final – live!

4.00pm GMT

The half-times in Scotland. Featuring two strikes not previously mentioned: Graham Cummins giving St Johnstone a 40th-minute lead at Hamilton Academical, Juanma doing the same for Hearts on 38 at Partick. If Hearts hold onto their lead, they’ll leapfrog the pile of rubble that once was title-chasing Aberdeen into second place.

Celtic 3-1 Aberdeen (FT)
Simon McMahon’s Dundee United 0-0 Ross County
Hamilton Accies 0-1 St Johnstone
Caley Thistle 0-0 Dundee
Killie 0-0 Motherwell
Partick Thistle 0-1 Hearts

3.52pm GMT

Santana Trujillo pulled a goal back for Las Palmas at the Bernabeu on 38 minutes, but Jesé restored Real Madrid’s two-goal cushion just before the break. t’s 3-1 to Rafa Benitez’s attack-minded [subs, please check] side at half time.

3.49pm GMT

And so here are the Premier League half-times:

Chelsea 1-3 Liverpool (FT)
Crystal Palace 0-0 Manchester United
Manchester City 0-0 Norwich City
Newcastle United 0-0 Stoke City
Swansea City 0-0 Arsenal
Watford 1-0 West Ham United
West Bromwich Albion 1-0 Leicester City

3.47pm GMT

More injury woe for Arsenal? Too early to tell, perhaps. But Olivier Giroud is down getting treatment on a sore knee at Swansea. Meanwhile another goal for promotion-chasing Burnley, and another for Andre Gray: they’re 2-0 up at home to Huddersfield. Fulham are now four goals to the good at Bristol City, Ross McCormack and Ryan Tunnicliffe adding to the earlier Moussa Dembélé double.

3.44pm GMT

Andy Carroll has just attempted a Cruyff Turn inside his own area. The result? You know the result. Odion Ighalo taps home amid the resulting mayhem. Oh Andy!

3.41pm GMT

And hats off to Jeff Stelling on Sky Sports, too. He’s just praised the Middlesbrough fans for their midweek torchlight solidarity for the Teesside steelworkers who have lost their jobs, going out of his way to bollock the government for their ideological intransigence. “If only they could see the light too, then everyone would be happy.” Preach on, brother.

3.35pm GMT

Here’s the latest from Tannadice, courtesy of Simon McMahon. “No goals so far, but Dundee United have started very brightly against Ross County. So, expect the men from Dingwall to be leading by half-time.” No goals anywhere else in the Scottish top flight either. Well isn’t this quite the scene. All hail the swashbuckling stylings of Tony Pulis.

3.32pm GMT

A glancing header by Jose Salomon Rondon, and as things stand West Brom - who don’t score many, but don’t concede that often either - will be safely ensconced in the top half of the table.

3.29pm GMT

Norwich have got back into the game at Manchester City, thanks in part to some Wilfried Bony profligacy. He’s missed a couple of chances, and Matt Jarvis has gone down the other end and pinged a rising pearler towards the City goal. Joe Hart broke his heart with a spectacular save. Still no goals in the top t... ah hold on!

3.26pm GMT

It had been a quiet start at the Liberty Stadium between Swansea and in-form (in the Premier League anyway) Arsenal, but the home side should be leading. Bafetimbi Gomis has just been put through on goal by Jonjo Shelvey, but spurned the chance after a lot of fussing and faffing. Still no goals in the top tier.

3.23pm GMT

Hull City, currently second in the Championship, are looking to consolidate their position. Ahmed Elmohamady has opened the scoring against the Impatient Disrespectful Usurpers. A second goal of the day meanwhile for both Fulham and Moussa Dembele; the Cottagers are 2-0 up against Bristol City at Ashton Gate.

3.19pm GMT

Cristiano Ronaldo has made it two for Real Madrid against Las Palmas. Just the 14 minutes gone there. Plenty of time for five more, and we’d be one vowel away from a Madness earworm.

3.17pm GMT

In the Championship, there’s an early goal for in-form Burnley at Huddersfield, Andre Gray converting a 12th-minute penalty, a spot kick he’d earned himself. Andreas Weimann has given Derby County a seventh-minute lead against Rotherham United. And Moussa Dembele’s second-minute goal has put Fulham ahead at Bristol City. Other than that, nothing to say right now. Nothing to say. No. No. Nothing at all. Nothing to say.

3.13pm GMT

Isco has given Real Madrid an early lead against Las Palmas. The Spanish league leaders are 1-0 up after four minutes. The ball’s hit Andy Carroll on the arm in the West Ham box at Watford, but the hosts are getting nix. Manchester United meanwhile are living dangerously against Crystal Palace, Yannick Bolasie having sent a strange bouncing bomb onto the visitors’ bar, Wilfried Zaha and Scott Dann both going close as well.

3.09pm GMT

The Premier League form boys just keep on keepin’ on. Manchester City have started like a train against Norwich City; they’re well on top in the early stages. Meanwhile Jamie Vardy has been bothering the West Bromwich Albion woodwork at the Hawthorns. But no goals in the Premier League 3pm kick-offs to report as of yet.

3.06pm GMT

By the way, if you want minute-by-minute action from Selhurst Park - and who wouldn’t? - Tim Hill is all over the big Palace-United clash. He’s just a click away.

Related: Crystal Palace v Manchester United: Premier League – live!

3.05pm GMT

Dwight Gayle has gone close early doors for Crystal Palace against Manchester United. It’s the first meaningful act of the day in the Premier League, outside the Stamford Bridge media room, that is. All the games have kicked off, then.

3.01pm GMT

So here’s Jose Mourinho’s post-match interview on BT Sport. Word for word.

Jose. A 3-1 defeat after a fabulous start, the game just got away from you there.
I have nothing, nothing to say.
Nothing to say about the game at all?
Nothing, nothing, I have nothing to say.
Nothing to say about the Lucas decision that left him on the pitch?
Nothing to say. I have nothing to say.
The Costa clash?
Nothing to say. I’m so sorry I have nothing to say.
Do you not think it’s time to have a chat to the fans, to give them some message, some indication of your thinking?
The fans are not stupid.
We heard them chanting your name.
The fans are not stupid.
You did say before this game that you weren’t worried. Are you a little bit more worried now?
No. [Pause. Narrows eyes.] Worried about what?
Your future, your own position at the club, the backing of the board?
No. No.
Nothing about the game at all?
At all.
No individual performance you’d like to pick out?
No.
Nothing about the performance going ahead?
Nothing.
Nothing about the way we could fix it?
[Smiles ruefully] I cannot say.
Thank you for your time, Jose.
Thank you.

2.42pm GMT

Full time at Stamford Bridge: Chelsea 1-3 Liverpool. Like a pint of plain, Barry Glendenning is your only man. But at this rate, with Chelsea making Leeds 1993 and Blackburn 1996 look like Manchester United circa 2000, how long will Jose be Chelsea’s? A lot of smiling is being done by Jurgen Klopp right now, though he was at studious pains to keep a respectfully grim look on his coupon as he shook Mourinho’s hand on the final whistle. The Chelsea manager scuttled off down the tunnel at great speed, but then he always does that. You may be hearing quite a lot about Mourinho and Chelsea in the next few hours and days. Keep ‘em peeled.

2.35pm GMT

Wolves have closed out their 2-0 win at St Andrews. They spring into the top half of the table, for now at least, while Birmingham’s opportunity to grab second place for themselves for a wee while is gone. Meanwhile here’s our north of London correspondent Simon McMahon, with some early news from That Scotland. “On my way to Tannadice to see United play Ross County,” he reports. “Actually, I’m in the pub. You need a stiffener before watching United these days. A word too, for Cowdenbeath-Dunfermline in Scottish League One. There’ll not be many half and half scarves being sold before that one, I’ll wager.”

2.31pm GMT

It’s now 3-1 to Liverpool at Chelsea.

2.23pm GMT

The majority of the games are, of course, kicking off at 3pm. But there’s already action elsewhere. Celtic are 3-0 up at home to August-to-September sensations Aberdeen: Leigh Griffiths (2) and James Forrest the Parkhead heroes there. Wolverhampton Wanderers are very close to closing out a 2-0 victory at Birmingham City: Dave Edwards and Sheyi Ojo have done the damage there. And at Stamford Bridge, Liverpool are 13 minutes away from their first away victory against Chelsea since 2011. Phillipe Coutinho has scored twice to wipe out an early Ramires goal. You’ll need to head over to Barry Glendenning’s MBM for the detailed report on that.

Related: Chelsea v Liverpool: Premier League – live!

2.06pm GMT

Crystal Palace: Hennessey, Ward, Dann, Delaney, Kelly, Cabaye, McArthur, Zaha, Puncheon, Bolasie, Gayle.
Subs: Speroni, Hangeland, Bamford, Lee, Jedinak, Sako, Ledley.
Manchester United: De Gea, Darmian, Smalling, Blind, Rojo, Schneiderlin, Schweinsteiger, Mata, Ander Herrera, Martial, Rooney.
Subs: Carrick, Young, Romero, Fellaini, Lingard, Andreas Pereira, Tuanzebe.
Referee: Mike Jones (Cheshire)

Manchester City: Hart, Sagna, Kompany, Otamendi, Kolarov, Toure, Fernandinho, Jesus Navas, De Bruyne, Iheanacho, Bony.
Subs: Fernando, Sterling, Caballero, Mangala, Demichelis, Roberts, Garcia.
Norwich City: Ruddy, Martin, Bennett, Bassong, Olsson, Tettey, Mulumbu, Jarvis, Howson, Brady, Jerome.
Subs: Whittaker, Grabban, Rudd, Hoolahan, Dorrans, Redmond, O’Neil.
Referee: Robert Madley (West Yorkshire)

10.09am GMT

Welcome to a super special Super Saturday of Saturday football! Traditionalists rejoice, because the afternoon fixtures today have a lovely, classic, old-school feel to them. Kicking off at the traditional time of 3pm on Saturday, the top five of the Premier League: Manchester City, Arsenal, West Ham United, Manchester United and Leicester City. Throw in seventh-placed Crystal Palace, and it really will be all happening at the business end of the English league. Admittedly the biggest match of the weekend kicked off at the resolutely non-traditional time of 12.45pm, but you can’t have everything, and nobody’s bringing us down from this high anyway. Here’s what’s going on in the big-boy division, then ...

Crystal Palace v Manchester United
Manchester City v Norwich City
Newcastle United v Stoke City
Swansea City v Arsenal
Watford v West Ham United
West Bromwich Albion v Leicester City

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