4 Ways To Fix Halloween

What? You didn’t know Halloween was broken? Then I feel sad for you. Oh so sad for you. You’re like a house cat that doesn’t dream of running free outside to chase the squirrels.

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to fix Halloween. Here’s how:

1.The Return of Trick or Treating:Back in the 70’s and 80’s a bunch of psychopaths ruined Halloween for kids by putting razor blades and poison in candy. Now kids are stuck with “neighborhood parties” and...