Excerpts from Coffee at JJ's - Part One
All right, a few folks have asked to see an excerpt or two from
Coffee at JJ's
. Well, then, here you go:
From Chapter 4 (Lottery Fraud):
GREG IS COLLECTING our lottery payments. As I start to hand him my dollar he casually mentions that he was released from prison a few years earlier.
I find this hard to believe. "Really?"
He nods, but I can't tell if he's serious. He has an excellent poker face. When I ask how long he was in prison, he leans back in his chair and smiles. "They released me a coupla years ago, right after they gave me a lobotomy."
Now I know he's kidding. "What were you in for?" I ask. "Kidnapping? Extortion? Giving bad haircuts?"
Greg shakes his head. "Nope."
"Then what?"
I hand him my dollar and almost pull it back when he answers, "Lottery fraud."
***
From Chapter 5 (Group Therapy for Flatliners):
CONVERSATIONS BEGIN and end without making sense, sometimes funny, sometimes not.
Most of the guys are talkative, like Jake, Wallace and Frank, who enjoy a good long conversation. Others, like Ryan, Toshi or Lorenzo, don't usually speak unless they have something pertinent to say. Some conversations end on an unexpected note.
For instance, once in a while Toshi will come in with fresh-baked muffins that his wife has made for us.
"Hey, Toshi," Greg says when there's been a long silence. "When's your wife gonna bake us some more muffins?"
Toshi — all five feet, two inches of him — reaches between his legs and growls, "I got your muffins right here."
***
From Chapter 9 (Jake and Four-Legged Mike):
THINGS DON'T ALWAYS go right for little Mikey. "It was awful," Jakes tells us about a week later when he comes in. "Just awful." —But he is laughing as he speaks.
"What happened?" Ryan asks.
"Well, instead of going for our usual morning walk yesterday, we went in the afternoon. And when we finished our walk, Mikey and I went to the supermarket. I live right across the street from the Ralphs Supermarket on Atlantic, so I know all the cashiers there.
"And when we went up to this sweet cashier named Veronica, she saw Mikey and said, 'Oh, what a cute little doggie.' Then she bent down and picked him up so they were face to face."
"Don't tell us," says Lorenzo. "He pee'd on her."
"Naw," says Jake. "Mikey's got better manners than that. He wouldn't pee on a good-looking woman."
"So what happened?" Greg asks.
Jake starts laughing again as he says, "She's holding him up to her face and Mikey lets out this enormous sneeze! Blasted it right in her face. She was covered in dog spray. I pulled out a couple of napkins and helped her wipe off her glasses, but Jeez, you shoulda seen the look on her face."
"And what about Mikey?" Greg asks.
"Oh, he was fine. She set him down and he looked up at her like, 'Sorry about that.'"
"You gotta teach him not to sneeze on pretty women."
"Yeah," Ryan adds. "Just the ugly ones."
Jake turns serious for a moment. "To me," he says, "all women are beautiful."
"He hasn't met my mother-in-law," Greg murmurs.
***
...I guess I'll put up a few more excerpts next time. Til then, let me know what you think.
From Chapter 4 (Lottery Fraud):
GREG IS COLLECTING our lottery payments. As I start to hand him my dollar he casually mentions that he was released from prison a few years earlier.
I find this hard to believe. "Really?"
He nods, but I can't tell if he's serious. He has an excellent poker face. When I ask how long he was in prison, he leans back in his chair and smiles. "They released me a coupla years ago, right after they gave me a lobotomy."
Now I know he's kidding. "What were you in for?" I ask. "Kidnapping? Extortion? Giving bad haircuts?"
Greg shakes his head. "Nope."
"Then what?"
I hand him my dollar and almost pull it back when he answers, "Lottery fraud."
***
From Chapter 5 (Group Therapy for Flatliners):
CONVERSATIONS BEGIN and end without making sense, sometimes funny, sometimes not.
Most of the guys are talkative, like Jake, Wallace and Frank, who enjoy a good long conversation. Others, like Ryan, Toshi or Lorenzo, don't usually speak unless they have something pertinent to say. Some conversations end on an unexpected note.
For instance, once in a while Toshi will come in with fresh-baked muffins that his wife has made for us.
"Hey, Toshi," Greg says when there's been a long silence. "When's your wife gonna bake us some more muffins?"
Toshi — all five feet, two inches of him — reaches between his legs and growls, "I got your muffins right here."
***
From Chapter 9 (Jake and Four-Legged Mike):
THINGS DON'T ALWAYS go right for little Mikey. "It was awful," Jakes tells us about a week later when he comes in. "Just awful." —But he is laughing as he speaks.
"What happened?" Ryan asks.
"Well, instead of going for our usual morning walk yesterday, we went in the afternoon. And when we finished our walk, Mikey and I went to the supermarket. I live right across the street from the Ralphs Supermarket on Atlantic, so I know all the cashiers there.
"And when we went up to this sweet cashier named Veronica, she saw Mikey and said, 'Oh, what a cute little doggie.' Then she bent down and picked him up so they were face to face."
"Don't tell us," says Lorenzo. "He pee'd on her."
"Naw," says Jake. "Mikey's got better manners than that. He wouldn't pee on a good-looking woman."
"So what happened?" Greg asks.
Jake starts laughing again as he says, "She's holding him up to her face and Mikey lets out this enormous sneeze! Blasted it right in her face. She was covered in dog spray. I pulled out a couple of napkins and helped her wipe off her glasses, but Jeez, you shoulda seen the look on her face."
"And what about Mikey?" Greg asks.
"Oh, he was fine. She set him down and he looked up at her like, 'Sorry about that.'"
"You gotta teach him not to sneeze on pretty women."
"Yeah," Ryan adds. "Just the ugly ones."
Jake turns serious for a moment. "To me," he says, "all women are beautiful."
"He hasn't met my mother-in-law," Greg murmurs.
***
...I guess I'll put up a few more excerpts next time. Til then, let me know what you think.
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