iPhone No Fly Zone: Apple Took a Bite Out of Me
Hmmm, anyone want to buy a used iPhone, new SIM Card included, that can’t find the call zone?
About 18 months ago, I bought a smartphone. My main motivation was concern that I was falling too far behind the times. I didn’t want to be the only guy in the room without one.
I wish now I had kept the “dumb phone” that I reluctantly replaced. It was operating perfectly and probably still would be now if I had it. My iPhone, on the other hand, went into perpetual search mode this week – a mere six months after the one year warranty expired.
I had hopes – yes, delusional me – that it might be repairable. I went back to the Rogers store where I purchased it. Probably the SIM card, the twenty-something Rogers’s employee remarked. Great, I thought, a quick swap out and I am on my way. But no such luck.
When the quick fix did not work, she asked me: You didn’t drop it, did you?… Well, you got me. I wanted to see how high it would bounce. So I took it the top of the CN Tower and tossed it over the edge. It hit an old guy on the head before it landed. Poor bugger – his funeral is tomorrow. I have to send flowers.
No, I did not make that snappy retort. I exercised restraint while she handed my iPhone to another twenty-something who was equally unhelpful. They told me I would have to take my iPhone back to Apple. So I drove to the Apple store in Square One Mall in Mississauga. The place was a reassuring hive of activity. Surely here would be my salvation, I thought.
There was a disconcertingly boyish triage guy I had to speak to before getting to the Genius Bar. (It occurred to me that I had my first grey hair before he was even a twinkle in his parents’ eyes.) I explained my problem to him only to be told that there was no one there at the moment who could examine my phone. But he could make an appointment for me for next week.
Next week? A half dozen tech wizards present but the Genius Bar is still an iPhone no fly zone? Kind of like taking your car to the garage and being told: Sorry, the spark plug guy called in sick today. Can you come back next week?
Triage guy then proceeded to advise me that, since the SIM card had already been replaced, it was likely that the only thing that could be done was to erase everything and reset the phone. If that did not work, I would have to buy a new one. Ah yes, the classic idiot reboot. Nice to know that the Genius Bar techies are so exhaustively trained.
Truthfully, I am not surprised. The business model for tech companies like Apple is based on kicking out new versions in ever shorter cycles. They really have no incentive to make their products long lasting. If I were a conspiracy theorist, I might conjecture that they build a poison pill into each device to ensure it self-destructs in under two years.
By the way, all the other functions on my iPhone, most of which I do not need, still function perfectly. The only thing I can’t do is make a phone call. How ironic is that?
Ah, such a cruel metaphor. Apple took a bite out of me and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. They have wounded me to the core.
~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of “Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel” – double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .
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