Balancing It All

You’ve probably heard people talking about work/life balance. Makes it sound like work isn’t part of life, doesn’t it? Sets things up as kind of a struggle between what you do to make a living and life itself. I have a problem with that.


I know that there are people who don’t like their jobs. That’s a sad thing when you think of how much of your life’s energy you put into your work. And when people continue to do work that saps their life’s energy leaving little for the other parts of their lives, well, that’s just beyond sad.


But it is also a choice. Nobody is making you do a job you hate, or making you hate the job that you do. That’s your choice.


As for the work-life balance thing, I’d like you to consider that your life isn’t just “work” and “life”. Really your life is “work or school,” “home and family,” “the community in which you live,” and “the private you.” That private you is the time you spend with yourself, thinking, reflecting on what you believe, tending to your own well-being. This is often the part of the equation that get whittled away as the other parts of our lives shout loudly, demanding more and more attention.


Harmoniously integrating the four aspects of life doesn’t mean every quadrant will always get its equal share. Some give and take will always be called for so that whatever needs the most attention at a given moment gets the attention needed. Even so, you must always be vigilant so that you’re not pushed away from what is most important to you.


You’ve likely heard me tell the story of how I initially wasn’t going to get involved in TV because the time demand was greater than I was prepared to give. With a ten- and twelve-year-old, I knew exactly how much time I was prepared to be away from home. So when the first schedule came, I declined the offer to participate. We’re talking good money here… and an opportunity to make a huge difference. But the kids came first, so I said, “No thanks.” It wasn’t until we made the schedule fit my criteria that I said yes.


No, I wasn’t rich. I wasn’t famous. I just knew what I could and could not live with, and I stayed true to my beliefs. And that’s one of the most important parts of balancing it all: you must stay true to yourself no matter how tempted you are to “give a little.” If you heard the number of times I was told I would just have to compromise! Turns out I didn’t have to compromise at all. And when the pressure to compromise grew to the point where I hated going to work, I gave up the job rather than giving up my values.


Harmonious integration also means seeing how the four aspects of your life are connected. Keeping each aspect in its own room doesn’t allow you to learn the lessons across the whole YOU. And that’s what you want… to be able to apply the knowledge and skills gained in one arena to another.


I once knew a woman who was fabulous at managing her company’s finances. Her personal finances were a hot mess; she was always stealing from Peter to pay Paul. The same skill sets were required for both and yet she was incapable of integrating her skills.


Sometimes what’s required to integrate your aspects is that you get creative. Think outside the box. Change up times, change up ingredients, change up how others interact with you.


When I had my daughter my whole sleep schedule changed. Alex didn’t sleep through the night for three years. When I found myself lying in bed at 4 a.m. trying fruitlessly to get back to sleep I realized how ridiculous that was. And thus began my 4 a.m. writing schedule. After settling Baby Girl back down, I’d head to my computer to write. I’d get a solid 3 hours in before I had to get the kids up. Morning is still my most creative writing time, but I don’t get up at 4 a.m. anymore because, yet again, my life has changed and I now have more time to sleep.


How you integrate the aspects of your life will change as your life changes. You can’t ever set it and forget it. But if you develop the skill of keeping it in perspective, you’ll be healthier and happier for it.

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Published on October 30, 2015 00:17
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