How Republicans Are Fucking Everything Up For Themselves

With the GOP debate scheduled for tonight, I started thinking of questions to tweet to what could be the biggest group of poster children for mental instability ever to be gathered in one place and televised (seriously, have you heard Carson and Trump speak?). But then something occurred to me. Something that might actually sway some Republicans to rethink their positions on critical talking points like raising the minimum wage.

 

If you’re a republican, you’re fucking things up for yourselves. No, don’t run away, read the rest of this. I will try to be respectful from here on out, but I have very little filter, so I apologize in advance if I offend you with how poor this nation is.

 

While I was out at my local thrift store today, I noticed how busy they were on a Wednesday afternoon. It’s quarter-book day, but I was the only person in the book section, something I still cannot comprehend. Anyway, it astounded me that this place would be so packed in the middle of the week. And then it hit me. 

 

When the nation has such little disposable income and the minimum wage isn’t a living wage and trickle-down economics is a thing, you’re really and truly screwing yourselves. People shop secondhand and Walmart and hit up neighborhood food pantries. Do you know what all these things have in common? Zero to very-little tax income. Thrift stores put no money back into the community, at least not here. All the thrift stores in town are church owned, and we all know churches don’t pay taxes. Food pantries do not pay taxes on the food they give away. And Walmart employees are paid such low wages that they require public assistance just to survive.

 

Why is this? Republicans cannot be this blind. You’re stealing from yourselves by not raising the minimum wage. If consumers cannot consume new items, you’re missing out on tax dollars. How are the rich going to get any richer if the government doesn’t have the money to offer them tax breaks and loans? How are you going to buy poster board and sticks and markers to protest Planned Parenthood if there’s nothing to trickle down? How in the name of all-holy Tom Cruise are you going to buy more guns if the NRA goes broke due to lack of government kickbacks? What are you going to do?!?!?!?!?!?

 

Surely we must vote to raise the minimum wage so that you may continue to be rich and comfortable and entitled and segregated from the filthy working class. Because if you don’t, the terrorists win.

 

*hugs and high fives*

 

E.

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