Issue # 123
Frank set his glasses down on the table and tried to call upon the powers of his patience and maturity. “Joe, what is your problem, you have been acting pissy all afternoon.”
“What difference could it possibly make?” Joe responded without actually looking at him, a habit that had driven Frank insane, since as far back as when they were in high school.
“Was it the letter?”
Joe turned away but didn’t answer, pacing back and forth as he swept the floor around the rug for the tenth time.
“I don’t know why you’re so upset, it’s clearly meant for the both of us.”
“How do you know that?” Joe finally spun around to ask. “The letter was addressed to you. All I am is ‘and brother.’ We’d like to thank you, Frank and, ‘your brother’ for services performed for the—”
“What do you honestly expect? I can’t believe we got this much. It’s been twenty years since we worked a case, I don’t even know anyone in the mayor’s office who remembers us.”
“Clearly someone remembers you.”
“For crying out loud, stop being such a drama—”
“Of course you don’t understand! You’re Frank, you’re everyone’s favorite.”
“Joe—”
“You’re the smart one and I’m just the handsome one. You’re the one who does all the hard thinking and I’m the one who just runs in and punches people. I am so fucking tired of everyone on the planet thinking that you’re the great, wonderful golden boy and I’m just the meat-head.”
“Nobody thinks that.”
“Really? I can think of at least one person off the top of my head who thinks that.”
“Are you…are you talking about Nancy? Would you let it go? It’s over and done with. She fucked you, and then she fucked me and moved on. Get over it.”
“Well maybe it’s easier for you.”
“Or maybe you’re just making it too difficult.”
“Sure, it’s all my fault. It couldn’t possibly be anything you did to cause this.”
“Well seriously, what do you expect me to do? I can’t change anything.”
“How do you know? It isn’t like you’ve ever really tried.”
“You’ve never said anything about it.”
“I shouldn’t have to! I shouldn’t have to beg for people to pay attention, and maybe show a little bit of fucking gratitude for the things that I do instead of being seen as a perpetual man-child. That is, assuming I know what the word ‘perpetual’ means.”
“Right, and the Academy Award for biggest baby goes to—”
“You know, it’s easy for you to make fun of me, you aren’t the one who’s been a plus-one for your entire life.”
“Joe, what’s the point of all of this?”
“What do you mean?”
“I feel like you’re building up to some dramatic declaration that you want me to hear.”
“Oh. Well I suppose now is as good a time as any. I’ve decided that I’m going to start working cases again.”
“Working cases?”
“Working cases. Solving mysteries. Catching bad guys. Like the good old days. It’s the only time in my life that I’ve ever felt alive, and I can’t think of any better thing to do now.”
“Joe, I can’t just drop everything I’m doing just so I can—”
“Of course that’s how you respond. I didn’t say anything about asking you to help. I’m going to start working cases again. Me. Without you.”
“But…I don’t understand, we’ve always been a team. And you’ve never said anything to make me think you were upset about our arrangement before. I always though we played well off of each others strengths.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you did think that. But I think maybe you were holding me back.”
“Come on, Joe, that’s absurd. And think about it. You’re…’
“…I’m what?”
“Joe, you’re fifty years old! You aren’t exactly in the greatest shape right now, are you sure you’re even up to—”
“Oh, here we go. Right, because I couldn’t get the big fancy job like you, Mr. bank assistant manager? Is it that hard to imagine that a poor, dumb little car mechanic like me could possibly have something positive to contribute to the world?”
“That’s not what I meant. It’s just that the cases we worked got a little physical at times, a little dangerous. I want to make sure you don’t get hurt. The kids really look up to you, it would break their hearts if something happened.”
“Is that it? Because I was kind of liking the idea that you would be upset if something happened to your brother but if the issue is more of your kids losing their favorite mascot…”
“That’s not it.”
“I think it is. And I think that your giant ego just couldn’t handle the sight of little old me, solving cases without you. And that’s not my fault. You’re the one who decided to get married and go off and have a life. I should have gone solo a long time before this.”
“Look, will you please just reconsider? Talk to some people about this, talk to the police. I mean, after all the world is a lot different than it was when we were teenagers.”
“Yeah well we were teenagers for like fifty years, and we never seemed to have any problems with it.”
“Joe…”
“Just forget it, okay? Just put it out of your damn mind. I’m so tired of having to beg and plead for everything in my life from perfect Frank. You think you’re so great that I can’t do anything without you?”
“No, of course not, calm—”
“Do not tell me to calm down you arrogant asshole, I am tired of you always telling me what to—”
“Joe please, this is not going in a good direction.”
“Right, because you have to dictate that also, don’t you? Everything according to your stupid little plans.”
“Wait, what the hell are you doing?”
“Didn’t see this as part of the plan, did you? Think your way around this one professor.”
“Joe, for the love of God, put the knife—”
“Put the knife where, Frank? Where do you think I should put the knife, Frank? What should I do with the knife, Frank?”
“Please. We can’t end up like this. Not like this.”
“What are you saying Frank? END UP LIKE WHAT, FRANK?”
“No! Stop, don’t—”
Frank pushed away from the table, but was to late to avoid his brother as he sprang across the table, light flashing on steel as he swooped in.
Joe stood over him for a minute before letting the knife slip from his fingers. He bent down over Frank’s prone figure and opened his mouth to scream.
“YOU DON”T GET TO CONTROL ME ANYMORE!”
